Recent reviews by Teddy FreiBär™

All right, banana, banana, banana! Come on in banana lovers! Here at the banana twister we're slashing banana in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of bananas, this is a banana blow out!

All right, we got white banana, black banana, Spanish banana, yellow banana, we got hot banana, cold banana, we got wet banana, we got smelly banana, we got hairy banana, bloody banana, we got snappin' banana, we got silk banana, velvet banana, naughty banana, we even got horse banana, dog banana, chicken banana!

Come on, you want banana, come on, banana lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, banana lovers ... and idle this game for hundreds of hours to get your... banana!


EDIT: ...and no, Joh(annes)! There is NO johnana... only a pepenana!

Teddy approved game! >> Gin the Cat << would approve it too... if he only would have played it coop with me. ):

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3034486793
Okay... the heroes of Trine are back in their 5th game of the series. Trine 5 is a side-scrolling platformer with let's call it parkour and logic puzzles and some fighting, paired with awesome, heartwarming graphics, an atmospheric soundtrack, a very good voiced narration and most of all easy to learn and very addicitve gameplay. Alone or in 2/3/4 player coop.

I guess mostly everyone has played or at least heared of one of the Trine games in the past. So let's concentrate here on what Trine 5 is doing better... and most sadly doing worse than its predecessors.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3034042341
The good things of Trine 5:

- The graphics reached a new level. Most often absolutely stunning. Even better than the graphics of the Trine 4 DLC "Melody of Mystery"
- Even more skills for each of the 3 heroes
- Different logic puzzles for 1 or 2 player
- Gameplay is the most addictive of all five Trine games


The bad things of Trine 5:

- Most sadly the devs returned to implement "special" achievements (usually actions you would never do in normal gameplay) in addition to "finish a level" and "find all xp in a level", which are frustrating to complete (greetings to Trine 2) and most of all don't always trigger (big greetings to Trine 2). The glorious moment of Trine 2 when we've finished the game in hardcore mode in 3-coop... and the achievement only unlocked for 2 of the 3 players. Good job.

A friend still tries to unlock Boreal Bowling in Trine 5, although many frozen enemies shattered into pieces with a ball... and the achievement still didn't unlock for him. Quite some people in the forums also seem to have problems to unlock "finish a level without taking any damage".

@Devs: sometimes it is good to just ignore the trolls in the forums, who always ask for extra difficult achievements. Trine at least should be a fun game from the start to the end... like in Trine 3 and 4.

- Perhaps it's only me, but I have the impression that there are much more logical puzzles in Trine 5 than parkour puzzles.

- In addition the logical puzzles are much easier in single player than in 2 player coop for example. So if you play coop with one friend, you will make your life more difficult... not easier. Sometimes you wish you would have a gun and just shoot your way through this or that annoying 2-player coop puzzle (which was so easy in single player).

Oh... while you're already here and we talk about having good fun... with a gun! :) Please take a wishlisting-and-following-look at the upcoming good game from a nice friend of mine: >> Having good fun... with a gun! :) <<

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3029428675
But anyway! The good things of Trine 5 outweigh the bad ones. So what more to say... rather than: Buy, buy, buy! (© and ® and ™ by >> JohCar™ <<)

★★★★★
5/5

Teddy NOT approved game! >> Gin the Cat << wouldn't approve it too... because the main character looks like Til mit der Brill' and Gin doesn't like penguins. Down with the penguins! :)

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2986315569
Daydream: Forgotten Sorrow is that kind of game you really want to like. I mean it has a teddy bear and looks like a puzzle platformer in the fashion of Little Nightmares. It even has new game mechanics compared to Little Nightmares like giving orders to your teddy bear.

So what can go wrong? Almost everything!

The controls and movement: are just sluggish, slow and everything else than accurate. To do precise jumps is more or less luck.

The graphics: are most of the time ugly and grainy. Also very bright at standard brightness settings. Game still has many bugs, crashes a lot. Sometimes it's funny. When you fall down through a level on a certain point and save half of the time this way because the next save point activates while falling to your death.

The level design: is pure simple. You can't get lost in any way. Even the hose levels of Jedi Fallen Order look like a labyrinth compared to that. There are basically 3 kinds of puzzles... 1 - none at all, means you run just through. Examining all the things on your way is also not necessary at all. 2 - very easy puzzles you can solve without using your brain and 3 - so weird, illogical and most of all unintuitive puzzles you will need quite some time to recognize what to do or even where.

The story: is never motivating or even really explains what is happening. And the end of the game... I don't want to know how many bottles of vodka have been emptied before writing down this kind of story. I mean the story of Little Nightmares is also weird... but in a good, interesting way. This story here is just... weird and amateurish. It also lacks to give you motivation to play the game from the first minute onwards.

The music: is okay at the main menu and more or less non existent within the game. I wonder to what music all the other "absolutely awesome" reviewers have listened...?!?

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2995222082
So... what are the good sides of this game? It has a teddy bear and it's easy 100% achievements. That's also why I've tortured myself through the game.

So summed up: the game is so bad. Sometimes you really would wish to have a gun to shoot your way through. Oh... while you're already here and we talk about having good fun... with a gun! :) Please take a wishlisting-and-following-look at the upcoming good game from a nice friend of mine: >> Having good fun... with a gun! :) <<

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2991487774
But anyway! What more to say... rather than: DON'T buy, buy, buy for full price! (© and ® and ™ by >> JohCar™ <<)

★☆☆☆☆
1/5

Teddy NOT approved game! >> Gin the Cat << wouldn't approve it too... because the main character looks like Til mit der Brill' and Gin doesn't like penguins. Down with the penguins! :)

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2986315569
Daydream: Forgotten Sorrow is that kind of game you really want to like. I mean it has a teddy bear and looks like a puzzle platformer in the fashion of Little Nightmares. It even has new game mechanics compared to Little Nightmares like giving orders to your teddy bear.

So what can go wrong? Almost everything!

The controls and movement: are just sluggish, slow and everything else than accurate. To do precise jumps is more or less luck.

The graphics: are most of the time ugly and grainy. Also very bright at standard brightness settings. Game still has many bugs, crashes a lot. Sometimes it's funny. When you fall down through a level on a certain point and save half of the time this way because the next save point activates while falling to your death.

The level design: is pure simple. You can't get lost in any way. Even the hose levels of Jedi Fallen Order look like a labyrinth compared to that. There are basically 3 kinds of puzzles... 1 - none at all, means you run just through. Examining all the things on your way is also not necessary at all. 2 - very easy puzzles you can solve without using your brain and 3 - so weird, illogical and most of all unintuitive puzzles you will need quite some time to recognize what to do or even where.

The story: is never motivating or even really explains what is happening. And the end of the game... I don't want to know how many bottles of vodka have been emptied before writing down this kind of story. I mean the story of Little Nightmares is also weird... but in a good, interesting way. This story here is just... weird and amateurish. It also lacks to give you motivation to play the game from the first minute onwards.

The music: is okay at the main menu and more or less non existent within the game. I wonder to what music all the other "absolutely awesome" reviewers have listened...?!?

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2995222082
So... what are the good sides of this game? It has a teddy bear and it's easy 100% achievements. That's also why I've tortured myself through the game.

So summed up: the game is so bad. Sometimes you really would wish to have a gun to shoot your way through. Oh... while you're already here and we talk about having good fun... with a gun! :) Please take a wishlisting-and-following-look at the upcoming good game from a nice friend of mine: >> Having good fun... with a gun! :) <<

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2991487774
But anyway! What more to say... rather than: DON'T buy, buy, buy for full price! (© and ® and ™ by >> JohCar™ <<)

★☆☆☆☆
1/5

Teddy approved game! >> Gin the Cat << approves it too...

... just because you - as Santa - can shoot non-gifters in this game, who never send weekend gifts to us!

Non-gifters like:

- The VERY rich nurse
- The rich, South African villa owner
- Rich TF2 SügarTaddy 😘
- Mannomannometer-Til
- Hannah "nej nej nej" Banana
- Joh "only bad johkes, never gifts" Hannes
- and in a guest role appearing for the first time.... the R@bbit

Best of all in this game... you can shoot with a variety of different guns in over 40 levels... and have a lot of fun with it.

Oh... while you're already here and we talk about having good fun... with a gun! :) Please take a wishlisting-and-following-look at the upcoming good game from a nice friend of mine:
>> Having good fun... with a gun! :) <<


But anyway! What more to say... rather than: Buy, buy, buy! Oh wait... it's even FOR FREE!
(© and ® and ™ by >> JohCar™ <<)

★★★★★
5/5

Teddy approved game! >> Gin the cat << approves it too... he says most of all bec he's also a skinny cat like the one in the game! (:

⣿⣿⣿⡟⣙⡛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣛⢻
⣿⣿⣿⣿⢰⣿⣿⣌⣍⠄⣆⠄⡆⢀⣙⣡⣿⣿⢸⣿
⣿⣿⣿⡟⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⠏⣾⣿
⣿⣿⠏⣴⣿⣿⣿⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠻⣿⣴⡌⡿⣿
⣟⣛⢈⣹⣿⣿⣿⣦⣥⣿⢯⠉⣿⣷⣬⣴⣿⣯⡲⠸⠿⢶
⣯⣿⢰⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⣿
⣿⡿⣸⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⣡⣾⣿⣿⠇⠹⣿⣿⡿⠛⢛⠻⣿
⣟⣀⣬⣿⣦⣝⠛⢃⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣘⢛⣫⣴⣿⠦⠄⢻⣿⢰⣦⣼⣷⢸
⡏⠉⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⣤⢸⣿⡘⣿⡄⣶⣾
⡟⠛⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⢸⣿⢃⣿⣧⢸
⣧⢠⣾⣿⣿⣏⣛⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣋⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣭⡴⣿⡋⠋⣼
⣿⣦⡙⢿⡿⠿⢿⣿⠆⣿⣿⣿⣿⠸⡿⠟⡋⠼⢛⣛⣛⣛⣃⣬⣴⣾⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣶⣾⣭⣤⣤⣬⣭⣭⣭⣭⣥⣤⣵⣶⣿⣿

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2982097334
Stray is a lovely and atmospheric catventure placed in a relaxing Cyberpunk setting. There are some quite easy puzzles, some rather easy platforming and some really annoying chasing sequences in the game. In general the game mechanics are quick to learn and easy to master. So all in all... story- and gameplaywise the game is really good fun. Especially later in the game when you get a gun! :)

Oh... while you're already here and we talk about having good fun... with a gun! :) Please take a look at the upcoming good game from a nice friend of mine. I'm not sure though if it will have cats... but it will have guns!: >> Having good fun... with a gun! :) <<
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⡶⢶⣦⡀
⠀⠀⠀⣴⡿⠟⠷⠆⣠⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿
⠀⠀⠀⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⡿
⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣷⣦⣀⣠⣾⡿ ㅤㅤ*purr* *purr* *purr*
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⢿⡿⠟
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡟⠀⠀⠀⢠⠏⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡟⢦⡀⠇⠀⠀⣀⠞⠀⠀⠘⡀⢀⡠⠚⣉⠤⠂⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⢦⡀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠉⠒⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢧⠔⣉⠤⠒⠒⠉⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣆
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⣤⠶⠶⢶⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡆
⠀⣀⠤⠒⠒⢺⠒⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠤⠊⠀⢸⠀⡿⠀⡀⠀⣀⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇
⠈⠀⠀⣠⠴⠚⢯⡀⠐⠒⠚⠉⠀⢶⠂⠀⣀⠜⠀⢿⡀⠉⠚⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠟
⠀⠠⠊⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠂⣴⠒⠒⣲⢔⠉⠉⣹⣞⣉⣈⠿⢦⣀⣀⣀⣠⡴⠟

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2981086563
Only downside of the game are some of the achievements. Most of all "Productive Day - Sleep for more than one hour" which literally forces you to let the game run in 3D mode for 1 hour while doing ...yes... nothing. In times of exploding energy costs such "achievements" are just useless. Most of all some of us already let their PCs running 24/7 at 100% during Bitcoin Mania and burnt half of the polar bears with it.

Oh... and Stray is also one of these games/movies, where you have to google the end to really understand it.

⠀⠀⠀⡇⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⡇
⠀⠀⠀⡆⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⡇⡄
⠀⠀⠀⠁⡇⠇⠀⡂⡇⡇
⠀⠀⠀⡇⣇⠃⠀⣇⣁⡇
⠀⠀⠀⣧⣿⣷ ⣾⣿⡷
⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿ ⣿⡏
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿ ⣿⡇⠀⣀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿ ⣿⡷⠛⣿
⠀⢀⠀⠀⣿⣿⡿⣷⣶⣿⣤⡴⠞⢿
⠀⢸⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⠰⢹⡿⢿⣿⣤⠟
⠀⠘⢸⠀⣿⣿⣿⣏⣽⣄⣃⣿⡇
⠀⢸⢨⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟
⠀⠘⣠⡌⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀
⠀⢸⣿⡿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧
⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧
⠀⠀⣿⣧⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏
⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠟⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⡄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢷⣶⣶⠿⠋

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2982097321
But anyway! What more to say... rather than: Buy, buy, buy! (© and ® and ™ by >> JohCar™ <<)

★★★★★
5/5

Teddy approved game! Gin would approve it too... he even bought a brand new 4070ti with 12GB VRAM for it! Now he only needs to save money to buy the game... ):

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2955666449
Seems I'm one of the few lucky here bec for me the game didn't turn out to be "The Crash of Us" or "The Last of Vram". It runs pretty smoothly on high settings with ~70-80 fps on a 3080ti (DLSS on). The 12GB Vram also allowed to chose at least high settings for textures. Everything below high most sadly really looks like PS3 graphics. Iron Galaxy did quite a bad job (johke?) here.

I also think that it's much better to wait 20-30 minutes at first start of the game for "building shaders: 3%" (or how they translated it with Google to German: "Gebäude Shader: 3%") rather than having fps drops from 80 back to 20 fps on every 2nd corner within the game... like in Stuttering Protocol with building shaders ingame.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2957314573
Haven't played the game on console before and neither watched the TV Show. So the story was completely new for me. The game mechanics are easy to learn and to master. So all in all... story- and gameplaywise the game is really good fun... with a gun! :)

Oh... while you're already here and we talk about having good fun... with a gun! :) Please take a look at the upcoming good game from a nice friend of mine: Having good fun... with a gun! :)

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2958664893
But anyway! What more to say... rather than: Buy, buy, buy! (when having 12GB Vram or more) (© and ® and ™ by JohCar™)

★★★★★
5/5

Teddy approved game! Gin would approve it too... but he just ran away, mumbling something that he has to make us whole again! ):

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2933938166
Fetch Quest - The Remake. But is it really the return of "Fetch me this and fetch me that, because you're stupid Isaac"?

Dead Space (2023) is a Space Horror Third-Person Survival-Shooter, completely remade from the 2008 original. And it's true... the visuals are just gorgeous. It also has improved gameplay like alternate firemodes. This even is topped by the really immersive audio experience (playing with headset is a must). I really don't know what's more terrifying... actually fighting necromorphs with only your engineer tools or just standing still and listening to the creaking and cracking sounds the drifting, abandoned spaceship makes.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2933938189
In addition the greatest achievement of this remake really is that it doesn't feel like a fetch quest at all anymore. This might be because Isaac talks now and gives his own opinion and ideas.... which makes him to appear as an equal member of the repair crew, not a dispensable errand boy send on just another fetch quest around the Ishimura.

In contrary to the Stuttering Protocol Dead Space Remake runs pretty solid for me. There are some stutters here and there... mostly when the game manages to completely fill up the GPU ram. Therefore 8GB 3070 and 10GB 3080 might be affected more. But sometimes the game even manages to fill 12GB. Leaving the room or reloading a save usually fixes this issue.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2933938212
But anyway! What more to say... rather than: Buy, buy, buy! (© and ® and ™ by JohCar™)

★★★★★
5/5

Teddy approved game! Gin would approve it too... because somehow it's like this Japanese "Jump, Squeak, Attack" crap he always plays.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2027823280
A humorous, action-packed, multiplayer, first person shooter-looter-looter-shooter with multiple season passes (da moneyz), a soap opera like story and awesome gunplay... although you never get the guns you really would like to have in your loot. Or is it only me?!

Biggest plus of this game: in Arms Race there are no cheaters (or twitch girlies... aka cheaters)... unlike in PUBG or Warzone.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2036669673
And there's also only one big downside in the game... they simply TALK TOO MUCH! Seriously! TOO MUCH! Every time someone starts talking, I literally want to go and kms. If you're a haircutter and don't know what to say to your clients after continuosly talking to them for 30 mins straight... play this game and you know what to say for another 30 mins.

Thanks god you can go and loot some crates while the NPCs do their blablabla. Or look at something else in the meantime... like:

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2029157280
But anyway! What more to say... rather than: Buy, buy, buy! (© and ® and ™ by JohCar™)

★★★★★
5/5

Teddy NOT approved game! Gin would also NOT approve it... even if you put grass on top of the train spider eggs, call it hipster food and sell it for 20 Euro the piece (like the game)! ):

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2919722668
Choo-Choo Charles is some kind of a TOTALLY overhyped survival horror game, where you have to upgrade your own train... to finally be able to fight a monster train... with spider legs. ... No clue if there's more story around this.

The game itself is completely unfinished, the "open world" more or less empty and lifeless. Only a handful NPCs here and there , who will give you one quest each (like run around the corner and fetch me something) even my 95yo grandma could finish ... if she still would be alive.

On foot you are unarmed, the sneaking system is a joke (peek around the corner only). Enemies will detect you from far away and will chase after you like they just got a new pair of Duracell batteries.

And as you can clearly see in the credits as well, it's NOT a 1-man project only. Even the ugly assets used and hastily clicked together in this game are from different people. That all for a price of 20€. Oh... and be aware... if you set a waypoint marker on the map for the first time... you can't remove it anymore. It will stay on the map forever. This "masterpiece" in a nutshell. xD

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2919722684
What positive to say about the "game"?! Even if your expectations are pretty low like mine there's not much. It's a "counting", easy 100% achievements game.

Okay, It's also pretty short, which in this case is indeed positive. Your suffering will not be long. Suffering time is still around 3 hrs... so you can't refund it. But if you got it for free like most, that doesn't matter anyway I guess.

https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2919722705
What more to say... rather than: DO NOT buy, buy, buy! (© and ® and ™ by JohCar™)

★☆☆☆☆
1/5

(with a price of 5€ it would be 2/5 perhaps)