I am 165 pounds of pure muscle mass. I am the physical manifestation of pure testosterone. My face makes even the straightest of men question their sexuality and fall to their knees. I do not take images of myself, as mere pixels cannot accurately convey my beyond human form.

I emit so much testosterone, anywhere I go is a radiation hazard for the next 50 years. You know Chernobyl? Yah that was me. I only ever tried taking my shirt off three times in history, they named the last two occurrences Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The first occurrence? The extinction of the dinosaurs.