TL;DR. It’s an excellent game, but I’m a Mortal Kombat fan, and I don’t understand the appeal of this, so Under Night System Clear… sucks.

Welcome back brawling game gurus, I’ve received a lot of fan requests to review this game that I want to get out of the way, so in this review, I’m reviewing Under Night System Clear.

We’re busting this beat-em-up game wide open.

Under Night System Clear is one of the most iconic entries of the Under Night franchise. It’s popular for having a clever roster of characters with their own special moves. However, if you’re looking for a good beat-em-up, then look elsewhere because this one deserves to be chucked into the nearest wood chipper. This one turned out to be just another run-of-the-mill rip-off of Mortal Kombat. Now before you send me your hate mail, listen to me for a while. I don’t really hate this game but, compared to Mortal Kombat, this one has the word ASS written all over it. Trust me, I’ve been playing beat-em-ups for well over 20 years, and I know all the ins and outs of it.

When you start the game, the first thing you see is the Under Night System Clear title card, but when you start playing it comes the major downside of the game: This is just a boring brawling-type game where you punch a few times, and you win. There are no special moves, no combo moves, nothing. What a buzzkill. Is this supposed to be fun? Guys, if you’re going to copy the work of a literary genius like Mortal Kombat, at least keep the elements the same. Where is the blood? Where are the fatalities? Whatever happened to just picking up a controller and decapitating your foes, or exploding them in a gory fashion? *FACEPALM*

And speaking of fatalities, what’s with the fighters in this game? There’s this pretty boy with a sword, this pretty girl with another sword, this other pretty girl with another sword… What the hell? Where’s the variety in this game? I thought this game was called Under Night System Clear, not Under SWORD System Clear. And look at this four-eyed dork with a book, gosh, even his moves look dorky. Go back to the library, you wimp. Well, at least we have Dr. Claw’s grandpa, this guy in a white tuxedo, and this little girl with giant metal arms. Hey, maybe she’s The Hulk’s little sister. *HULK SMASH* Take it easy, sweetheart.

And you think that’s bad? (Yes, my humor is better than Family Guy) Take a look at this girl with two swords. This is another huge letdown. I mean, why is a little girl playing with oversized knives anyway? What a pixelated nightmare. And she’s accompanied by this bug creature that just floats there and does nothing to help. Can I do something? Can it attack? No! What a waste of pixels. It pisses me off so much that I’d like to throw it across the screen. *GET OVER HERE* After doing some research, I found out that this girl’s name is LYNE, but if you win, the bug creature does nothing, if you move it does nothing, if you’re hit it does nothing, if you attack it does nothing so, what’s the point? Didn’t they test this game before they released it to the public? This is so FUSTRATING and literally blows me up.

And then we have characters you can’t do anything with, like this girl with a whip… A whip? I thought this game was about swords, this doesn’t make no sense whatsoever; I mean, are these characters really that much in-demand? Sorry, but I just can’t imagine a lot of players jumping at the chance of playing them. *DOUBLE FACEPALM*

Ugh, somebody call 911, ‘cause I was PACHO’d. *This is where you laugh*

Then there’s this dumb part where, if you pause the game, you can look at the character’s commands for their fighting attacks, but to hell with that. I mean, whoever reads these things anyway? I can’t waste my time reading about the characters’ moves, I just gotta play the game.

And what’s with the character selection in this game? Why are there so many girls in this game? I don’t wanna play with girls. Gosh, this game sucks so hard that I wish a real fighter would appear and rip some guts around here. This is so FUSTRATING. Where are the badass military men? Where are the sub-zeros and scorpions and whatnot? Where are the Mortal Kombat barely dressed hot chicks?

Time to montage this b!tch for two minutes with over dramatic music in the background. No way, this game still sucks.

But the problems don’t end there because, after doing even more research, I found out that this is the sequel of another game called Under Late at Night but, if that’s the first game, I insist on playing that one first. I mean, what’s worse than having to play your games out of order? The very thought of doing such a thing is sickening, and I think it’s punishable by death in some countries. *TRIPLE FACEPALM?*

Then there is the arcade mode, where you must beat up one bad guy per stage, and there are only 9 stages. What a bunch of ass-burgers with a side of fries. For crying out loud, would it have killed them to add some extra levels here? When I play a game I expect some side-scrolling action, and we’re not really doing anything besides fighting in this game.

And the worst part is the ending, as the prize for beating the game is just a static image painted on the wall. A better prize would have been the chance to play as another character, like Goro, or Shang Tsung, because everybody knows all brawling-type games should be just like Mortal Kombat.

Under Night System Clear is a perfect throwback and predecessor to the Under Night franchise and was made to compete with another title by the same company called “Guilty Gear 4: The Strike”, which was made months ago. So final verdict, it’s an excellent game, but I’m a Mortal Kombat fan, and I don’t understand the appeal of this. So, Under Night System Clear… is a piece of s#!t.

Till next time, gamers. Game on. *TOASTY*