I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I specifically decided not to mostly look a gift horse in the mouth in a actually major way. I bought 200. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He mostly was infertile in a major way. In fact, none of them were really sort of bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed, or so they thought. Then they punched my genitals. I actually stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn''t adapt very well to their new environment, which is quite significant. They would screech, specifically hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humourous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour, which specifically is quite significant. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta\' dropped actually dead. Kinda\' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys, which is fairly significant. I didn\'t basically know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I essentially tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn\'t work. It particularly got stuck. Then I had one dead, kind of wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys in a major way. I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals in a major way. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn\'t want to generally call the plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them, or so they specifically thought. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn\'t all go bad, contrary to popular belief. I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed actually was flammable in a major way. I kind of had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn\'t improving. I became kind of agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better in a subtle way. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I literally told him that I had a wet one in a for all intents and purposes big way. He couldn\'t take that one either. I didn\'t bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn\'t know quite what to say. They for all intents and purposes pretended that they like them, but I could tell they for all intents and purposes were lying. Ingrates, which basically is fairly significant. So I really punched them in the genitals, contrary to popular belief. I like monkeys, or so they generally thought.