The name's Rocky, 210lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal. I say what I think, and I always think what I say.

People say I walk like robocop and I punch in my sleep. I'd kill you in Dr. Mario, and I play a mean game of hopscotch. I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.

I'm a Veteran of the United States Army Military Police Corps. In 2013 after my deployment to Afghanistan, I had a lot of pain when I got back home in my neck. I ended up having a cervical dysectomy on my C-5, 6 and C-7 vertibrae. I love my friends and family more than I love you. If you ♥♥♥♥ with them, it's cement shoes for you.

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. I prefer the company of peasants because they haven't been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.

I was born in Staten Island, NY. But, the town where I grew up has a zip code of EIEIO. I'm thirty-three years old, but I read at the fourty-four-year-old level.

My worst fear is either getting mauled by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. Or perhaps both? I part-time teach 10th graders how to finger clits by playing Guitar Hero by using only the red tab. I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself.

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.