Recent reviews by [M]ephisto

1. An any simple woman in a linen dress who just decided to pick up weapon from a corpse and suddenly acquired skills of great warrior and thirst for blood of random mercenary. (Sometimes a weapon is just a broom (do not worry broom still hurts like thunder of Zeus))
2. An any chicken. Litterally just chicken.
3. Boar fart. (And not once! So cool.)
4. Arrows. Because there no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ shields in this game except for an every enemy. Only mc can not wield a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ shield.
5. Kinetic force transported via air. Because lazy animators dont tied up animation of attacks with hitboxes/hurtboxes.
6. Any enemy. Because you need more than 100 successful attacks to kill one simple thug (i`m counted) but enemy need 1-2 attacks (reminder: enemy attacks can be transported by air itself) to send you to Hades himself (load screen).
7. Autoleveling. Dont matter how effectively you upgrading and leveling up - enemies have minimum lvl of yours for you to do not get bored :) (or just lose all sense of progression).
8. Mercenaries who all have ancient GPS pointing straight to your ass.
9. A boat. Because they explode on water. A typical boat thing. (I`ve got ragdolled into one so hard that i stuck in boat on ocean floor and drowned.)
10. Shock. Shock from amazing choices in dialogues. (99% of them leading to the same results (a typical role play game thing (it is not an rpg (or is it?))))

-Unbalanced piece of ♥♥♥♥.
-"Pawns" much more human than any human in game.
-90% of gameplay is holding shift from one city to another.
-One save slot.
-Quest failed because some npc died from unreachable enemy? Instant ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ save on defeat.
-Armor worth 1000 gold is better then armor worth 250 000 gold.
-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ wolves.
-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ form of character`s torso influencing speed.
-Random ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dragon close to starting location with 8 health bars ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ flying over characters spitting fire and randomly flies ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ away without any reason.
...
Good game. I like it.

...та потім запустив Shadow of Mordor. Гра сподобалася.

С початку ми з коханим трахали все в місті, а потім все місто трахало нас.
Сподобалось :)