🈺 What better way to start a review than with a meme?[i.redd.it]

To be fair, it couldn't have been more accurate. Buying Yakuza 0 will feel like ordering a dish that is a ridiculous mishmash of seemingly incompatible ingredients. You smell it at first and then look at your partner to see their reaction; you both conclude that it looks weird, but the smell is okay. You take a spoon and try it tentatively, ready to wrinkle up your nose in disgust, yet after a moment's hesitation you let out a moan of ineffable joy and tuck in, for real this time – because it's absolutely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ delicious!

Who could have thought that mixing an incredibly dark and riveting criminal drama that is guaranteed to make your blood run cold with trademark Japanese zany humour, goofy side stories and a million minigames would be a good idea? The two main characters go through absolute hell, routinely do and see things which, if they happened to you, would most likely make you stare at the ceiling in irreversible catatonic shock until you shrivelled up and died; yet here they are, fifteen minutes later, partying like there's no tomorrow in a karaoke bar, racing pocket circuit cars with seven-year-olds or choosing the best hair accessory for the prettiest hostess.[i.redd.it]

And it works.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2625463844
🈁 As much as I would like it to be the case, this review is by no means a comprehensive analysis of Yakuza 0. Writing one in 8000 characters would simply be impossible – the game is TOO BIG. There is so much stuff to do, so many side activities, so many things to talk about that I'd easily exhaust the character limit yet barely scratch the surface of why the game is so bloody awesome.

Here's a tip – let this review be your last one. Screw it – go in blind, let this prequel to a great franchise sweep you off your feet. I will, however, outline just a couple of things I want you to be aware of before you start. Don't worry though, it will literally be a couple, as in "two".

🈴 I mean, super-duper freaking long.[i.redd.it] The first bunch of cutscenes that introduce one of the main characters is a whopping 9 minutes and 33 seconds long – yes, I timed it. Most games would have you at level 5 by that point; if you're the kind to rush and look for an actual game to play, you might wanna hold this one off for a while. The second character's introduction is TWICE as long, by the way – only to be twice as amazing.

You see, Yakuza 0 is not afraid of being a movie. It's got 4 types of cutscenes that it uses to great effect; a story of this scale and magnitude would be impossible to tell otherwise. I'll tell you what, maybe take a risk – even if you think you're not a cutscene guy or gal, this masterpiece of a game might just be the thing to change your mind.

My girlfriend, who was unimpressed at first, was glued to the screen till the very end when she saw what Majima and Kiryu were going through. The cinematic nature of the game makes it perfect for backseating.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2634308775
🈯 I swear to god I'm not making this up – Yakuza 0 has a thing called Completion List that you see when you press pause. It's a list of all the things you can do in the game, separated into 5 different categories: Adventure, Battle, Business, Substories and Minigames. Where else have you seen that, huh?

Each time you fulfil a specific requirement, you get a pleasant notification and are awarded with a Completion Point (CP). If you have enough of them, you may purchase different upgrades to make your time spent in the game considerably easier and more fun. Developers encourage completion, and it's a big part of enjoying the game for many people; it took me 175 hours to complete everything Yakuza 0 had to offer, and it was mostly time well spent. I say mostly because, unfortunately, there's a hitch[i.redd.it] – some of the challenges are downright insane.

😫 Are you willing to learn mahjong? Because you're gonna have to learn mahjong, which is, like, one of the most complex strategy games ever – possibly the most complex out there. Be ready to spend at least 10 hours trying to get 6 CPs associated with it. Oh, and it's also in every next Yakuza game after 0. Buckle up! You're in for a ride.

😫 Are you willing to go up against a boss who can combo you into oblivion and take 3/4 of your health in five seconds while you can barely land a single hit? And he has five (!) health bars. This is one of the notorious Climax Battles – ridiculously difficult challenges specifically designed to make you fly off the handle.

😫 Are you willing to participate in so-called "catfights"? When I first heard of them at the beginning of the game, I didn't know I'd be seeing much less fur and much more bare oily skin of scantily-clad ladies duking it out in a wrestling ring. You bet on a winner and RNGeesus decides your fate – except that the game's rigged and you'll most likely lose.

I could go on, but you get the gist. You'll need to work hard to get all achievements, so I hope you enjoy the process as much as I do, otherwise don't even attempt it – save yourself some agony and frustration. The feeling of pure joy when you complete everything, however, is too big to put into words.
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2643162000
✔️ Great game – open your wallets, people!
🛑 Action addicts and completionists – beware!

🈳 Congratulations – you have somehow reached the end of this review! You must truly be a dedicated person if you've made it all the way down here through my incoherent ramblings. I have nothing else to say that could be even remotely worthwhile, so I'll stop wasting your time, like, right now.

[h1]🤢😞🙁😐🙂😊>😍<[/h1] [h2] A game of stark contrasts [/h2] 🈺 What better way to start a review than [b][url=https://i.redd.it/uj5mdoq4h9071.jpg]with a meme?[/url][/b] To be fair, it couldn't have been more accurate. Buying Yakuza 0 will feel like ordering a dish that is a ridiculous mishmash of seemingly incompatible ingredients. You smell it at first and then look at your partner to see their reaction; you both conclude that it looks weird, but the smell is okay. You take a spoon and try it tentatively, ready to wrinkle up your nose in disgust, yet after a moment's hesitation you let out a moan of ineffable joy and tuck in, for real this time – because it's absolutely [i]fuсking delicious![/i] Who could have thought that mixing an incredibly dark and riveting criminal drama that is guaranteed to make your blood run cold with trademark Japanese zany humour, goofy side stories and a million minigames would be a good idea? The two main characters go through absolute hell, routinely do and see things which, if they happened to you, would most likely make you stare at the ceiling in irreversible catatonic shock until you shrivelled up and died; yet here they are, fifteen minutes later, partying like there's no tomorrow in a karaoke bar, racing pocket circuit cars with seven-year-olds or [b][url=https://i.redd.it/6nadkgfku2171.jpg]choosing the best hair accessory for the prettiest hostess.[/url][/b] And it works. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2625463844 [h2] What this review is not [/h2] 🈁 As much as I would like it to be the case, this review is by no means a comprehensive analysis of Yakuza 0. Writing one in 8000 characters would simply be impossible – the game is [b]TOO BIG.[/b] There is so much stuff to do, so many side activities, so many things to talk about that I'd easily exhaust the character limit yet barely scratch the surface of why the game is so bloody awesome. Here's a tip – let this review be your [i]last[/i] one. Screw it – go in blind, let this prequel to a great franchise sweep you off your feet. I will, however, outline just a couple of things I want you to be aware of before you start. Don't worry though, it will literally be a couple, as in "two". [h3] Cutscenes... are super long [/h3] 🈴 I mean, [b][url=https://i.redd.it/qmd6r2arebm61.jpg]super-duper freaking long.[/url][/b] The first bunch of cutscenes that introduce one of the main characters is a whopping 9 minutes and 33 seconds long – yes, I timed it. Most games would have you at level 5 by that point; if you're the kind to rush and look for an actual [u][i]game[/i][/u] to [u][i]play[/i][/u], you might wanna hold this one off for a while. The second character's introduction is TWICE as long, by the way – only to be twice as amazing. You see, Yakuza 0 is not afraid of being a movie. It's got 4 types of cutscenes that it uses to great effect; a story of this scale and magnitude would be impossible to tell otherwise. I'll tell you what, maybe take a risk – even if you think you're not a cutscene guy or gal, this masterpiece of a game might just be the thing to change your mind. My girlfriend, who was unimpressed at first, was glued to the screen till the very end when she saw what Majima and Kiryu were going through. The cinematic nature of the game makes it perfect for backseating. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2634308775 [h3] Completionist heaven... or hell? [/h3] 🈯 I swear to god I'm not making this up – Yakuza 0 has a thing called Completion List that you see when you press pause. It's a list of all the things you can do in the game, separated into 5 different categories: Adventure, Battle, Business, Substories and Minigames. Where else have you seen that, huh? Each time you fulfil a specific requirement, you get a pleasant notification and are awarded with a Completion Point (CP). If you have enough of them, you may purchase different upgrades to make your time spent in the game considerably easier and more fun. Developers [u]encourage[/u] completion, and it's a big part of enjoying the game for many people; it took me 175 hours to complete everything Yakuza 0 had to offer, and it was [i]mostly[/i] time well spent. I say mostly because, unfortunately, [b][url=https://i.redd.it/hhkawwv7doi71.jpg]there's a hitch[/url][/b] – some of the challenges are downright insane. 😫 Are you willing to learn mahjong? Because you're gonna have to learn mahjong, which is, like, one of the most complex strategy games ever – possibly the most complex out there. Be ready to spend at least 10 hours trying to get 6 CPs associated with it. Oh, and it's also in every next Yakuza game after 0. Buckle up! You're in for a ride. 😫 Are you willing to go up against a boss who can combo you into oblivion and take 3/4 of your health in five seconds while you can barely land a single hit? And he has [u]five[/u] (!) health bars. This is one of the notorious Climax Battles – ridiculously difficult challenges specifically designed to make you fly off the handle. 😫 Are you willing to participate in so-called "catfights"? When I first heard of them at the beginning of the game, I didn't know I'd be seeing much less fur and much more bare oily skin of scantily-clad ladies duking it out in a wrestling ring. You bet on a winner and RNGeesus decides your fate – except that the game's rigged and you'll most likely lose. I could go on, but you get the gist. You'll need to work hard to get all achievements, so I hope you enjoy the process as much as I do, otherwise don't even attempt it – save yourself some agony and frustration. The feeling of pure joy when you complete everything, however, is too big to put into words. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2643162000 [h2] Conclusion(s) [/h2] ✔️ Great game – open your wallets, people! 🛑 Action addicts and completionists – beware! 🈳 Congratulations – you have somehow reached the end of this review! You must truly be a dedicated person if you've made it all the way down here through my incoherent ramblings. I have nothing else to say that could be even remotely worthwhile, so I'll stop wasting your time, like, right now.