Own a crossbow for home defense, since that's what the king intended. Four scoundrels slither into my quarters. “What the deuce?” As I put on my tunic then cloak, I grab my crossbow. Loose a bolt, it plunges into the first man’s breast, he lies slain where he stood. Make ready my dagger, slit the second man from gullet to groin, he sinks to the floor, his entrails cast out. As the last two wretches take flight in terror, I man the ballista. “Lawk a mercy!” They cry out. Alas, the moment hath fled. A bolt as long as a day’s journey skewers the pair of them. Their life’s essence seep away. Just as the king intended.

WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS

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