Recent reviews by Don Squiddy

Should've made another souls-like

Do not buy this game. You might be thinking, "Hey, I played DS3 and it was super fun, and DS Remastered was also pretty good, I might as well play Dark Souls 2 also. I know I've seen people say it isn't as good as the other two, and is generally the weaker game, but it must not be that bad. I've even seen some people say its a 'hidden gem'." WRONG. I hate every molecule of myself every single second I play this game. The only people who say this game is good are the people coping themselves into believing that they didn't waste $30. Horrible map design, ganks around every corner, rolls are unbelievably slow even with no armor, input lag for swinging is through the roof, bosses do not feel rewarding, you are locked at half health and can only get above it by using a limited resource, if you want frequent bonfires you have to use another limited resource, and the controls make me want to rip my hands off and shove them into my eye sockets so I never have to play this game again. The only reason I am still playing this game is because I must have been dropped on my head as a baby and it gave me the stupidity to finish things I start. Please, for your own sake, do not buy this game.

FUNDAMENTALLY, SLAPPYBALL IS THE GREATEST GAME EVER CREATED, AND NO OTHER GAME CAN REACH ITS CALIBER. WHEN SLAPPYBALL WAS RELEASED, IT RAISED THE BAR OF THE VIDEO GAME INDUSTRY TO A POINT WHERE NO OTHER GAME COULD PHYSICALLY EVER BE BETTER THAN SLAPPYBALL, OTHER THAN SLAPPYBALL ITSELF. SLAPPYBALLFOREVER IS AND WILL BE THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME. YOU CAN DO ♥♥♥♥ WITH BALLS. YOU CAN GET HANDS AND ALL THAT ♥♥♥♥. IF SOMEBODY ASKED ME, “WHY DO YOU LIKE SLAPPYBALL SO MUCH?”, YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD TELL THEM? I WOULD TELL THEM SLAPPYBALL IS MY SOUL, IT IS MY FUEL, IT GIVES ME THE STRENGTH AND ENERGY TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND KEEP GOING. SLAPPYBALL IS SIMPLY GOD’S GIFT TO THIS WORLD. I’VE HAD ISSUES WITH DEPRESSION FOR YEARS, ALONG WITH ANXIETY, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HAS KEPT ME GOING? SLAPPYBALL. BEING ABLE TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A GOOD OL TIME ON SLAPPYBALL. IF YOU PLAY SLAPPYBALL, YOU’RE ALREADY ON A HIGHER LEVEL INTELLECTUALLY THAN THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION. THAT’S SIMPLY BECAUSE SLAPPYBALL MAKES YOU SUPERIOR TO THE REST OF THE HUMAN RACE. IT STIMULATES YOUR BRAIN CELLS THE MORE YOU PLAY, WITH EVERY BALL YOU SLAP, THE MORE POWER YOU RECEIVE. FOR EVERY FINGER GUN YOU POINT AND EVERY THUMBS UP YOU GIVE, MORE POWER GOES TO YOU. THE MORE YOU PLAY SLAPPYBALL, THE MORE OF A SAINT YOU BECOME, UNTIL YOU PLAY ENOUGH SLAPPYBALL TO REACH ULTIMATE GOD STATUS. SLAPPYBALL IS THE GREATEST GAME EVER CREATED.