Recent reviews by dkDolphino

do NOT put the Face Ring on your thumb, worst mistake of my life

You should have acted, they're already here. The ancient Greeks told of their return. Their defeat was merely a delay. Til the time after Dracula's Castle opened, when the Chest of Containment would be unearthed. But no one wanted to believe... to believe they even existed... and when the truth finally dawned... it dawned in CHEESE!!!

Spent 40 minutes trying and failing to kill a giant troll with my club until I eventually succeeded, 10/10 would do again

Pretty fun game but could be a lot better optimized than it is now

It's Dark Souls but 2D what more do you want?

i got this game as a gift and now i have 1080 stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ achievements clogging up my achievement showcase how the ♥♥♥♥ do i get rid of them valve please

What a fantastic game. That upcoming free DLC can't come soon enough.

Ori and the oh God I thought this was going to be a cute fun platformer please stop smashing my heart with a sledgehammer AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Yes

NOTE: It appears Todd Howard used CHIM to delete the review I posted back in January. I don't really understand why He did it but guess what vehk you Todd I'm posting it again anyway.

Hey guys, me here with a special early look at Skyrim 2 Online: Return of the Dawnguard. I used an Elder Scroll to travel 6 months into the future to play this and I'm going blind as a result but it was well worth it.

In this new Skyrim game, you play as the Dragonborn and go back to Skyrim after being tentacle ♥♥♥♥♥♥ by Hermaeus Mora for 1000 years. When you return you find that the entire continent of Skyrim has been overrun by Thalmors who are now Vampire werewolves led by Delphine (frick you Delphine you stupid idiot swit), and you join up with Serena and Lydia and Partysnax and Jarl Balgruuf to summon Talos and save the world from the Thalmors.

Pros:
-The entire continent of Skyrim is here, including Gaymerset (the homeland of the Thalmors), Elsewhere (Cat Merchant place), Wartghor (Shrek race), and Stinky Marsh (Stealth archer lizard land).
-Highly detailed secks scenes with Lydia and Serena (like in The Geraldo 3: Will Guy)
-Fargoth Ur returns
-Snow Whales as playable class
-Written by Michael Kirkbride (Todd locked him in a room with some skooma and shrooms so you know it's gonna be a masterpiece.)
-You can also *ex a flame atronach (Finally!!!)
-Completing main quest gives you dwarf merchant as a summonable assistant
-Instead of quest markers you now have a button that you press that does the quest for you
-Become emperor of Skyrim and ride on Partysnax to eat all of the Thalmors and then fus ro dah them out of your ass into Oblvion and then CHIM so hard you become the Toddhead and then make Skyrim 3: Morrowind

Cons:
-Literally none this is the most perfect game ever created.

In conclusion this game is well worth losing my eyesight over so I can't even imagine how good of a deal getting this for only $40 bucks is.