Boiled peanuts can go f.uck themselves sky high.
Roasted, toasted, fried, salted, spiced, sugared, ground; the peanut is one of earth’s most glorious and versatile wonders. That is, unless they’re boiled. Once left to soak in hot, $hitty water the peanut, in one fell swoop as if cast from the heavens above, takes on the flavor of humid compost with the uncanny consistency of sick baby diarrhea. Perfect in not a single dish, the boiled peanut is best served as a goof to someone you hope to never see again. If the inventor of the boiled peanut were put to death by wild apes with bright purple erections, you would find me sitting front row in a bright pinwheel hat.

okay, I'm only going to say this once: sex.