Hey, y'all! Mah name's "Tick", but mah friends lawk teh call meh "Tick". Is' a pleasure to mee'cha, city slicker! Ah lawk to wrawt an' review stories an' such, cause I went to a school and gots mahself some fancy book learnin'! Now I go 'round the neighborhood, assessin' this, an' critiquin' that, and doin' all that good stuff for folks such as yerself! Don' get tah comfortable, now, y'hear.

Cause I will not hesitate to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kill you!

In all seriousness, I am a covert agent from the ancient city of "Paraphocatos", sent as an ambassador of cynicism. My mission is to write stories for you to read, in order for us to subliminally implant innuendos into your head, thus turning you into compulsive sex zombies, suffering a deficiency of blood flow to your brain, and weakening your forces in order to make our invasion simpler and less of a struggle. Among other things, I've also been sent to deplete moral by attacking other people's stories with the long lost art of honesty. I shan't be merciful and sparing with this sacred art, and seldom will I neglect making you cry. I am your worst nightmare! I am "Tenocoticklam!" Though, for brevity, call me Tick.

I obtained this last name from the mortal whom I consumed upon entering this planetary body. As such, I have also harvested his skin and the receptors from his frontal lobe. They tell me much of your Earth, and I've learned much of the ways of man. I understand that you enjoy the show of Equines, know as "My Little Pony". It has also come to pass that the favored game among your people is this "Fallout New Vegas". I shall practice many in these fields, in order to get inside the minds of the enemy and see what it is you see. Though, I must admit, these things are what you might recognize as "fun".

The human's hair was brown, his eyes a pale, misty green. He appeared to wear it all over his body, on his scalp to his reproductive organs, all of which equally brown. He stood a towering 5'6, his weight, a miniscule 267 pounds. The body I am left with is one of which I hold with the greatest contempt. It seems he was covered in an odd lubricant, smelling of lotion and string cheese. It appears as though this human spent most of his life, sub terranean, wasting his days on a site know as "4chan". I have canceled many of his old ways, adopting my own, and metamorphosing into my own needs. This is my body now, and the life of this... "Pink P. Forty" changes today.