The evolutionary emergence of vertebrates from among their spineless relatives:
A new strain of Desulfotomaculum was discovered in 2005 during drilling 2.8 km deep in the Mponeng gold mine in South Africa. The strain, found in water which has been isolated for tens of millions of years, exists completely independent of photosynthesis. The bacteria uses radiolytically-produced H2, which is generated in that environment by the energy released by radioisotopes, as well as SO42− which may be generated both by the energy released by radioisotopes as well as by other chemical reactions, to form hydrogen sulfide, H2S, which replaces the hydrogen bonds produced by normal photosynthesis.
A guy got hit in the head with a can... He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I asked the carpenter if I needed gutters installed. He said they're on the house.
I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
Most jokes that pilots tell go way over my head.
I would've kept off the grass, but I don't understand sign language.
Yikes! My fingernails are getting so long, they're growing out of hand!
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
Did you hear about the guy who told that awful pun? Yeah, he was Punished.
I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
Tennis players can never find happiness. Love means nothing to them.
You can never explain a good pun to a kleptomaniac because they always take things literally.
"Wanna hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it."
When oranges meet the press, they become pulp fiction.
I gave away my dead batteries, free of charge!
I'll race you all the way to Finland, and the first to reach the finnish line wins!
A vulture with two dead raccoons tries to board a plane. "I'm sorry sir, only one carrion is allowed."
I forgot how to throw a boomerag, but it came back to me.
For chemists, alcohol is not a problem. It's a solution.
When attacked by a mob of angry clowns, go for the juggler.