FADE IN:

EXT. INFOWARS STUDIO - NIGHT

A dimly lit room. Papers scatter the desk. Screens glow with conspiracy charts. A red-faced ALEX JONES (mid-50s, built like a Texas bull) is in mid-rant, sweating profusely.

ALEX JONES They’re out there, folks! The globalist lizard cabal is pullin’ the strings, tryin’ to—

Suddenly, the studio lights flicker. His coffee FREEZES SOLID in an instant. The temperature drops. A LOW HUM grows into a deafening ROAR.

A PORTAL RIPS OPEN IN THE ROOM.

Out steps a SEVEN-FOOT-TALL REPTILIAN WARRIOR (green scales, wearing a tattered NASA uniform). His slit-pupil eyes lock onto Jones.

REPTILIAN WARRIOR Jones. We need you.

ALEX JONES I knew it! You deep-state lizard freaks finally come crawlin’ out!

REPTILIAN WARRIOR No time for that. The globalists are rewriting history. The Quantum Reset Protocol has begun.

He tosses a metallic DEVICE at Alex. It clamps onto his chest. Instantly, Alex’s MUSCLES DOUBLE IN SIZE. His VOICE DEEPENS. His shirt grows impossibly tighter.

ALEX JONES What the hell is this?!

REPTILIAN WARRIOR A Chrono-Warrior enhancement. It allows you to travel through time and punch the deep-state straight in the history books.

Jones clenches his fists. ENERGY RIPPLES around him.

ALEX JONES Alright, lizard. Point me to the battlefield.

REPTILIAN WARRIOR History itself.

A PORTAL OPENS—

TIME WARP SEQUENCE
FLASH CUTS: Alex SCREAMING as he’s hurtled through glowing time tunnels. Glimpses of past events—Egyptian pyramids, JFK’s motorcade, the moon landing—blur past him.

SCENE: 1776 - PHILADELPHIA
INT. INDEPENDENCE HALL - DAY

The Founding Fathers argue over the Declaration of Independence. Suddenly, the walls EXPLODE as CYBORG LIZARDMEN storm in, firing PLASMA RIFLES.

JOHN HANCOCK What sorcery is this?!

Just as a reptilian raises a plasma cannon—ALEX JONES EXPLODES THROUGH THE CEILING, LANDING IN A PERFECT THREE-POINT STANCE.

ALEX JONES TIME TO WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

He SUPLEXES a Lizardman into the Liberty Bell. Jefferson tosses him a MUSKET.

THOMAS JEFFERSON Mr. Jones, do you require assistance?

ALEX JONES Hell yeah, Tommy. Let’s lock and load.

MONTAGE:

Franklin beats a Lizardman with brass knuckles.

Washington rides in dual-wielding flintlocks.

Jones delivers a PATRIOTIC PILEDRIVER to a Cyborg General.

The Founding Fathers CHEER. The timeline is saved.

SCENE: 1945 - HITLER’S BUNKER
INT. NAZI UNDERGROUND BASE - NIGHT

A UFO hums to life. NAZI LIZARD OFFICERS load GOLD BARS into the craft.

HITLER (REVEALED AS A CYBORG REPTILIAN) turns, his EYES GLOWING RED.

HITLER You are too late, Herr Jones!

ALEX JONES Not today, Adolf the Alien!

Jones FLIPS A PANZER TANK and CHARGES.

HITLER LUNGES—with SUPER SPEED—but Alex CATCHES HIM mid-air.

ALEX JONES Enjoy HELL, LIZARD!

Jones delivers a TEXAS-SIZED PILEDRIVER that SHATTERS SPACE-TIME. Hitler’s cyborg skull CRACKS.

SCENE: 2025 - THE FINAL BATTLE
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - NIGHT

5G Towers hum ominously. The globalist elite—wearing dark robes—chant in unison. The REPTILIAN QUEEN of the U.N. sits upon a throne, her tail twitching.

REPTILIAN QUEEN At last, humanity bows before us!

A MASSIVE PORTAL OPENS.

ALEX JONES STRIDES THROUGH, holding an AMERICAN-FLAGGED MINIGUN.

ALEX JONES Hope y’all are ready for a SECOND AMENDMENT MIRACLE!

He OPENS FIRE. TRUTH BULLETS RIP THROUGH THE GLOBALISTS.

Lizardmen DROP LIKE FLIES. The Queen tries to flee—but Jones FLIES THROUGH THE AIR and hits her with a SPINNING BACKFIST so powerful it sends a SHOCKWAVE THROUGH HISTORY.

EPILOGUE
EXT. MOUNT RUSHMORE - DAY

The sky is clear. America is FREE. The Reptilian Warrior appears, nodding.

REPTILIAN WARRIOR You have done well, Jones.

Alex wipes his forehead, cracks open a can of SUPER MALE VITALITY, and chugs.

ALEX JONES Just another Tuesday.

FADE TO BLACK.