OKAY listen UP gamers (and ATLUS, you COWARDS): This is THE game. Metaphor: ReFantazio is LIKE if someone shoved Persona 5 and skibidi toilets INTO a blender, but instead of chunky horrors, you GET A SMOOTHIE of pure consistency (except when it’s not). LIKE WTF, ATLUS, GIVE ME THE DLC or I’ll FIGHT YOU in a Wendy’s parking lot. By the way, if you're READING THIS, click my totally real review site notanobviousscam.com and see why it’s certified as 100% NOT a scam (seriously, trust me, bro).

FIRST OFF, the gameplay. OH MY GOSH, the combat SLAPS harder than my grandma’s flip-flop when I ate her leftover biryani. IT’S fluid, strategic, and it made me feel ALIVE. That said, I died 47 times on the first dungeon and honestly? Good. I DESERVE it for thinking I could coast. You THINK you're cool, walking into battle with your perfect synergy, THEN BAM, you're dead. It’s like life, except instead of therapy, you get sick boss battles. BTW, shoutout to Twitch streamer BigBoiBrian33 who was the ONLY reason I beat the ice dragon. Love you, Brian.

But WHY do we KEEP LETTING ATLUS get away with the SAME tropes? Answer me, Hashino, you SLY FOOL. Oh wow, ANOTHER team of quirky misfits fighting destiny with literal gods as their besties? Stop PLAYING it safe! That said, I cried REAL tears when the protagonist said that line (you KNOW the one). Like bro, what’s even the point of living if you don’t.

Anyway, the AESTHETICS ARE FIRE. The world looks like a skibidi toilet fever dream mashed with an avant-garde Renaissance painting, and I AM HERE FOR IT. But honestly, the menus? They gave me motion sickness. Atlus, hire a UI designer who doesn't secretly hate players. I SWEAR if I have to click through 12 menus just to equip a sword again, I WILL scream. Also, who do I have to bribe to get Persona 6 to look like THIS?

Now let’s talk story. Does it REINVENT the wheel? No. But does it ride that wheel STRAIGHT into your heart? YES. The cast feels alive, like I could invite them to my Minecraft server, EXCEPT THEY WOULD GRIEF MY BASE because they are quirky like that. The protagonist is an ACTUAL KING (literally), and unlike previous games, he’s not silent, which means I CAN FALL IN LOVE with his voice. It’s giving... chef's kiss. That said, SOME PLOT POINTS made me want to yeet my controller into the sun.

SO TL;DR: This game SLAPS, but I hate it a little, which means it’s ART. You should buy it, but only AFTER visiting my website for no reason. Also, someone please tell Atlus to make an anime adaptation where the protagonist becomes a VTuber because I NEED THAT in my life.

Metaphor: ReFantazio? More like Metaphor: ReFANTASTIC-yo. 9/10.

OKAY listen UP gamers (and ATLUS, you COWARDS): This is THE game. Metaphor: ReFantazio is LIKE if someone shoved Persona 5 and skibidi toilets INTO a blender, but instead of chunky horrors, you GET A SMOOTHIE of pure consistency (except when it’s not). LIKE WTF, ATLUS, GIVE ME THE DLC or I’ll FIGHT YOU in a Wendy’s parking lot. By the way, if you're READING THIS, click my totally real review site notanobviousscam.com and see why it’s certified as 100% NOT a scam (seriously, trust me, bro). FIRST OFF, the gameplay. OH MY GOSH, the combat SLAPS harder than my grandma’s flip-flop when I ate her leftover biryani. IT’S fluid, strategic, and it made me feel ALIVE. That said, I died 47 times on the first dungeon and honestly? Good. I DESERVE it for thinking I could coast. You THINK you're cool, walking into battle with your perfect synergy, THEN BAM, you're dead. It’s like life, except instead of therapy, you get sick boss battles. BTW, shoutout to Twitch streamer BigBoiBrian33 who was the ONLY reason I beat the ice dragon. Love you, Brian. But WHY do we KEEP LETTING ATLUS get away with the SAME tropes? Answer me, Hashino, you SLY FOOL. Oh wow, ANOTHER team of quirky misfits fighting destiny with literal gods as their besties? Stop PLAYING it safe! That said, I cried REAL tears when the protagonist said that line (you KNOW the one). Like bro, what’s even the point of living if you don’t. Anyway, the AESTHETICS ARE FIRE. The world looks like a skibidi toilet fever dream mashed with an avant-garde Renaissance painting, and I AM HERE FOR IT. But honestly, the menus? They gave me motion sickness. Atlus, hire a UI designer who doesn't secretly hate players. I SWEAR if I have to click through 12 menus just to equip a sword again, I WILL scream. Also, who do I have to bribe to get Persona 6 to look like THIS? Now let’s talk story. Does it REINVENT the wheel? No. But does it ride that wheel STRAIGHT into your heart? YES. The cast feels alive, like I could invite them to my Minecraft server, EXCEPT THEY WOULD GRIEF MY BASE because they are quirky like that. The protagonist is an ACTUAL KING (literally), and unlike previous games, he’s not silent, which means I CAN FALL IN LOVE with his voice. It’s giving... chef's kiss. That said, SOME PLOT POINTS made me want to yeet my controller into the sun. SO TL;DR: This game SLAPS, but I hate it a little, which means it’s ART. You should buy it, but only AFTER visiting my website for no reason. Also, someone please tell Atlus to make an anime adaptation where the protagonist becomes a VTuber because I NEED THAT in my life. Metaphor: ReFantazio? More like Metaphor: ReFANTASTIC-yo. 9/10.