Sometimes It'll take a bit for me to remember what losing a leg and getting it replaced with flesh during the Vietnam War feels like.

It's not that big of a surprise, honestly. I was bound to lose that leg eventually.

Nobody saw it coming. Nobody. Not even my other leg saw it coming. But you know who did saw? It was the Candy Man.

Eventually the Candy Man came and warned me about what would've happened 5 minutes later, which involved learning a whole new language not known to the planet.

Took me awhile to trust him at first, but he managed to sway my interest with the offer of a free glass bottle of soda.

Oh, that was all an illusion? You mean it didn't really happen?

Well, how was I supposed to know THAT?