Please take him. He has ransacked my fridge 83 times now. He doesn't even take any food, its just to fuck with me. Every time. I dont get it. The dudes crazy quiet too. Genuinely. For instance, yesterday. I was in the same room and i had just closed the fridge. turned my back and walked away and as i was sitting down at the table... turn around, hes in the fridge. I dont know where he was. Behind the entire fridge itself? What? theRe was no space anywhere in the kitchen for him to hide. Its a tiny kitchen. So where? ... Hes like a weeping angel, kinda. Moment you turn you're back, bam, hes there. Or i idk. Hes good at being quiet at night so u can sleep easy. But he always chirps at 7:24am. Always. Not loud but it can wake you up in winter. Yeah... His name is Seth? Yeah his name is Seth. He also likes being called "nickname". As in his nickname is nickname. Nickname. He'll do the dishes though. Hes really good at doing the dishes. Likes it. Always said it was cause of the hot water. "it feels better than normal water" ok bro?... makes sense i guess... You can ask him about that if you want but i chose to just go with it. Overall he s a good dude thats in his own bubble all the time but gee golly its akward to deal with and creepy. And honestly? I get scared to go pee at night because of him, but not in the "oooh, spooky ghost demon thing is staring at you in the dark1!, oh no!!" kind. but instead more like "your cat suddenly brushes up against your leg in the night" kind. Hes just there alseep on the ground, precisely positioned in akward poses in areas of your house that hes... like tracked throughout watching you during the day?, and statistically knows the areas ive walked the least in? Cant confirm, but thats what the pevious shelter that had him said... i wasnt part of that conversation, i was eavesdropping so thats why i cant confirm. Yeah. Oh! He does your taxes, your car maintenance, carpeting, outdoor gardening shit, and APFSDS ammunition production. Very handy at that but he doesnt like talking about it. He does his own thing and its cool. But anyways, i need him off my hands. He also plays some games with you if he feels like it. But its always after 1am. never wants to game before then. never been a duplicate time out of all the times ive tracked on when he ends though. sometimes we stop gaming at 2am. maybe 3am too? rarely 5. never more than 9 but anything over 5 have been more common recently... idk what it means... jeans... He specifically decides when to stop playing video games with me. And not rudely or anything but just very precise times consistently. Insane internal clock honestly, dont know how you get a crazy interal clock like that but its mad respectable. Definitely saved me sometimes when i left the stove and he would do his chirp thing to warn me when it starts overboiling or anything. Hes never in the kitchen when he does this. He only chirps to warn me when hes not in the same room. He chirps through the walls to warn me. When hes actually in the kitchen with me and something starts overboiling? As if he never had a mouth. Incapable of making noise. No sense of foul play from him though, its just as if his hearing is somehow outwards. and he has this invisible bubble around him that he cannot hear in. Absolutely awful to walk by the room hes in when he does that chirp. Very loud when within close proximity. Sounds exactly like the highest key of a Bösendorfer 290 Imperial. Its a very bold sound with rich presence but man its just too loud... Do you know how to remove walnut oil stains out of clothing by any chance? Could you manage doing it regularly with him? Make sure you have a big enough washing machine though as well. He wears size 43's for everything but his socks. And now that we're on the topic of socks, he does infact have a tendency to chase people with the wrong coloured socks. Its some sort of OCD thing? like if your not wearing the right coloured sock on a wednesday then hes just gonna maul you lol. So make sure you go and get a license to carry a stun gun. But dont get one of those police grade ones though, thats gonna straight up put him to sleep forever. And trust me, hes already died like 3 times... "unofficially by the table"... officially 52 times throughout this timeline... and i know what your thinking... how does he come back? Precisely like Voldermort. woth 7 horcrux's. You could never guess what his horcrux's are though. One of them is apparently the building of a bank. The building, not anything inside the bank, but the very building that exists as the bank. How tf do you manage that? i mean... bruh. Did he buy the bank and like... fucking imprint his nuts into it? idk brochacho, thats the only one hes confirmed was true when i was given 10 chances to guess. OH! Yo, brohemian rhapsody, this one is also really important to know. but hes hyper aware of postal service cars. If you are willing to buy him a phone with a data plan, he'll message you the exact precise time youll get you package within 2 days of the package arriving. Always. He accounts for traffic and latency by consulting with the air nucleus catalyst that is itself entangled in the web of stochastic reverberating waves that circulate around us on earth. Doesnt us e any sort of online app that tracks packages or nothing. Its just his brain, and probably something to do with smelling. In general the dude has improved senses, pretty cool for a guy inn jeans. Now i must ask you before i explain a few more things... do you have good pain resistance? And a good pair of jeans? Sometimes he'll bring over some void creatures to stay the night and its honestly a dual edged sword kinda scenario. His void friends can conjure any physical item without any effort, which is giga OP. They take your jeans. He gets his rent money this way and food. Only downside to this is that when you go to bed, jeans. time is stretched throughout the night. The moment the sun fully sets, it plays out until the sun rises. Its weird, almost feels like you are really high and submerged underwater... but not. What is supposed to feel 10 hours now feels like 40. And its physically impossible to sleep. Your body is in this 40 hours is already rested but you still require to lay down and not move your body for some reazon. I always get reminded to not move as to not cause a rupture in my ass or something. So yeah, you just stay awake for 40 hours while already feeling rested. But i cant lie that laying for 40 hours while it also feels like tiny little droplets of fire are being dropped on your body is not fun. Thats the part i was talking about when i asked if you had good pain resistance and jeans. It feels exactly like someones drops a small glob of hot wax on a random spot in your body and then immediatly removes the wax. Sometimes the wax is a little too close to boiling and that shits huurts. But bro i gotta tell you one thing though, subway down the street? 15% off footlongs this saturday? idk bruh. You gotta bring him to subway at least once. He always wanted to go but i never let him because of the infaltable pool incident where it costed 15k to remove all the melted plastic off the school building. I told him that until he managed to work back all of that money for me, i wouldnt bring him to subway. But for you, he doesnt owe you any money so maybe you can take him then. I guess yeah... he could just go on his own but then theres the whole issue with the street lights and his electromagnetic field causing a whole heap of problems. I mean i talk like its not a big issue but that metal street lamp nearly murked the starbucks down the road. I dont really care tho. Its starbucks, 5 more respawn each time one gets destroyed.... He would really appreciate subway tho and probably up his trust based defence system to a 2 for you. Dont worry about the defence protocals though, just do as he tells you to do during bootcamp and i assure you nobodys robbing your place. S