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29 of 89 (33%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:16pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:51pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:11pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 2:28pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:52pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 2:42pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 3:30pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:40am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked Jul 15, 2015 @ 4:00pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:23am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 3:15pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:29am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 2:33pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:19pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:22am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:26am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:43am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:25pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 3:22pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:19am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 6:24pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:25am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked Jun 15, 2015 @ 5:16pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:25am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 2:27pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:40pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked Jun 16, 2015 @ 1:56pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked Jun 18, 2015 @ 6:08pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked Jun 17, 2015 @ 7:28am



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
15 / 30

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
24 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
9 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
27 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
11 / 30

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
935 / 1,000

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
0 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
0 / 30
+15

15 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked