Most blessed knight, protector of our sacred lands, and, most importantly, ME, his brave, generous, and not-at-all greedy lord. This stalwart warrior stood firm, unyielding, and throbbing with valor against the heretical evildoers.

As my estates burned and my biological farming tools (peasants) were unceremoniously redistributed to the afterlife, all seemed lost. Yet when the only thing left was our sacred Bridgetown wine, HE DENIED THEIR PENETRATING ADVANCES UPON OUR HOLY GATE.

With sword in hand and an impressively tight grip, he repelled the onslaught, never faltering, never softening. But alas, I was seized roughly and cast into Mason’s five-star dungeon (one star, would not recommend).

Yet lo! Through the dim halls of despair, his broad, righteous frame emerged! With hands firm yet tender, he freed me, escorting me to the boat like a true champion!

All hail glorious megamind maximus the first