It was a cold and stormy Christmas Eve, midnight was just around the corner. As I was preparing to go to bed, I heard a loud thud on the roof followed by the sounds of heavy footsteps. The kids were still asleep and my wife was currently at her boyfriend's house for the night.

I contemplated whether I should go investigate the noises or remain in the bedroom. I pulled a coin out of my garments and did a coin flip; heads for investigating, tails for staying. Unfortunately, the coin landed heads.

I grabbed my shotgun in our safe and proceeded downstairs. While I was going down a dark corridor, I heard a loud thud in the living room, I quickly ran downstairs and saw a massive unlit anomaly. "STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!", I yelled. The figure put his hands in the air and came out of the shadows, it was Santa Claus. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, freaking KRIS KRINGLE himself! Santa said, "You shouldn't really be up this late."

I was speechless, I dropped my shotgun and tried to speak but I was too stunned at the moment. Finally a tiny bit of confidence seeped through me as I finally replied back.

"I... uh... don't know what you're talking... about."

I sounded so stupid after muttering that and I wanted to bang my head on the wall.

"I know you've been a naughty, naughty boy this year," Santa replied back.

"What..? No..." I replied back timidly.

"I am afraid you've been really naughty this year, and I've come reap your payment." Santa replied again in a more grave tone.

Santa started slowly approaching towards me, I was too timid to move. I wish I could move, but something in my mind was telling me to stay and I don't know why.

As his figure became more and more illuminated the closer he got to me, he came to a halt within an inch away from me. For a chubby old man, he stood tall and I would approximate his height at 6 feet, 4 inches. I felt like an ant compared to this goliath.

I was really timid, yet something kept me calm through it all. Perhaps I wanted this to happen.

Santa raised his arm towards me and started caressing my cheek.

"Time to pay up," Santa said.

The following section of the story had to be simplified into gibberish to avoid being raided by the Federal Bureau of Investigation:
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBSEXWITHSANTABLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH

My senses started coming back to me, it was Christmas morning. As I examined the living room, there was no traces of what happened last night anywhere. Was I hallucinating? Was it just a dream too good to be true?

Later on that day, I watched the kids unwrap their gifts. As more and more boxes started being opened, I noticed a lone card standing alone under the tree.

"I don't remember that being there" I told myself.

As I picked up the card, I opened it up to examine it's contents.

Inside the card read:

See you next year, you ho ho hoe.

- Kris Kringle

I smirked a little as I walked towards the window and peered into the outside.

I'm Jesse Pinkman and this is my Christmas story.

NOTE: I saw this in the drafts from last year, what was I on writing this?