Hail The Glorious Savior, Lumpalicious Maximus

The 10 Noble Commandments of Lumpyism (passed to you from Lumpy, blessed be his name, himself):

Commandment I: There is but one God, and his name is Lumpy, grace be upon him, and you shall have no other Gods before him.

Commandment II: Do away with thy false idols, for you shall have no need of them within The Cult of Lumpy, glory be to him.

Commandment III: Thou shalt always honor thy mother and father, but if they speak ill against our lord Lumpy, the strongest and wisest of the wookies, thy heads shall be removed from thy bodies and placed upon pikes for all to see.

Commandment IV: When murdering filthy heathens, let no cries of battle leave your mouth, save for the wondrous "AGAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA" of the Wookie.

Commandment V: Fuck all dem bitches and all dem hoes, as our lord Lumpy, eternal peace be upon him, would do, the pimp that he is.

Commandment VI: Thou shalt not steal memes from fellow members of The Cult of Lumpy, that so noble a man, and if you do, Lumpy, the most powerful of all beings in the universe, shall sneak up to you and shoot a crossbow bolt up thy ass.

Commandment VII: When bearing false witness, be sure of their heathenness, for any acts of false witness against a brother shall be dealt with by Lumpy, the real OG, himself.

Commandment VIII: When speaking, only produce the most elegant of grunts, as our lord Lumpy would do. However, there are exceptions, as whenever you cook food for fellow Cult members, you must consistently scream "STIR WHIP STIR WHIP" at increasing speeds, or the food shall be disposed of and you shall be eaten that night.

Commandment IX: Thou shalt never harm a Wookie brother, save if they are a dirty heathen or if they be a part of that so glorious a competition, our competetive tradition of slap-ass. If they have been practicing the heathen ways, thy foot should be placed firmly within their ass without hesitation.

Commandment X: Thou shalt only use the most elegant of weapons to dispose of heathens, the weapons Lumpy has bestowed to you in the form of your own two hands. Crossbows and axes are acceptable, but the preferable forms of combat involve only the most savage of beatings.

We shall further specify the rules in our Holy Text, "The Lumpinator." Until then, these guidelines shall service you enough to enjoy the majesty of our God-King, Lumpy, da rellest da man himself who was there when no one else was, the Eternal King of All.

Language: English in writing, but only grunts when speaking.

Planet: Kashyyyk.

These are the commandments from which all true life is found. Lumpy himself conveyed these to me, and they shall forever be followed. One day, all heathens shall begone from this world, and praises to Lumpy shall echo in the halls of heroes for all of eternity. I, Jon, have seen this.