Heavy and the Quest for the Holy Sandvich

THE PHLOG AND WHY I HATE IT

I f**king hate Valve.

"What's Valve?" you may be asking. Well, it's the same company who made Half-Life 1 and 2 and is "working on Half-Life 3" but we all know that's just bulls**t. Anyway, this company is responsible for hiring the people who thought IT WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA TO BUFF THE FUCKING PHLOGISTINATOR!

Maybe I'm just being salty, BUT EVERTIME I WANT TO PLAY ON A MOTHER F**KING PUB SERVER, THIS GOD DAMN FREE-TO PLAY-PYRO KILLS ME WITH THE PHLOG AS SOON AS I EXIT THE F**KING DOOR! "Oh, but Robo, why don't you just pick a different server?" you might be asking. Well, I have, and I've gotten the same result.

There is no escape from it, they always spawn camp you with their f***ing dildo flame thrower AND THEN THEY LAUPH AT YOU WITH A STUPID FUCK**G TAUNT JUST TO PROVE THAT THEY'RE THE BIGGEST FUC*ING ASSHOLE ON THE GOD DAMN SERVER! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!

"Well Robo, why not just use voice communication to tell your team, if you're so butthurt?" Well, we live in the age of Lenny Faces, okay? You might not understand my point here, but basically kids today think it's funny to troll people. Let's face it, most kids play TF2 because it's funny and all that and blah blah blah. So basically if I tell them, most of them will just try and join the opposite team just to piss me off further, because that's what modern day kids do. So no, voice communication will NOT work.

"Well Robo, why dont you just play on a non-Valve server?" I do play on non-valve servers, but then those kids are even MORE annoying than on the valve servers, I think I don't have to explain myself any further.

"Yea Robo's just salty because he isn't good enough to counter a phlog pyro (insert stupid and pointless lenny face just to aggravate me here)." You know what I have to say to you? Fuck you. Yea, I didn't even censor that one. I've played TF2 for over 3,000 hours, I can easily counter a phologistinator pyro. The trouble is, THERE'S A FU**-TON OF THEM! If I had a dollar for every phlog pyro I saw on any TF2 server, I'd be fu**ing rich! I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing this stupid issue!

I blame Valve for ALL of this. Mainly because they're the God da*n dumb f**ks, who re-use the same concept of contracts and "special weapons" over and over again, and think it'll work for the NEXT GOD DARN 12 UPDATES. THAT'S ENOUGH UPDATES TO LAST 2 YEARS! DO YOU WANT TO PLAY GUN METTLE OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR 2 YEARS?! HELL NO, SO SEND THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR FRIENDS, AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, TELL THEM TO STICK THEIR LENNY FACES UP THEIR ASSES!

*sigh* I digress, Valve sucks, we don't need more Gun Mettle rehashes.

OH AND F***ING NERF THE PHLOGISTINATOR VALVE!