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Things weren't looking too well for Officer at the moment. He was told he might regret eating that school hamburger but never in his wildest dreams did he think it would end up like this.

Sitting in a stone, red stool before a big lake of fire isn't the way he liked to spend his Friday nights. I mean, gosh! It was getting hot as fuck!

He was sitting in a big cavern filled with the screams of homosexuals, women, non-whites and people unlucky enough to not follow or hear of the true God's religion. They were all getting whipped and endlessly tormented by bored looking red guys, demons Officer guessed.

Heavy footsteps pounded the ground behind him, and Officer slowly turned his head to face the new threat.

"Welcome to hell, boy, where all those who have wronged Chef reside!" Bellowed a demon with a big, muscular chest and a tiny head. His goat horns were neatly trimmed to a fine point, and he had huge pointy teeth as well.

Wait a minute... Is this hell? Officer wondered. It made sense to him, all the fire and suffering, but it was hard to distinguish this from his real life.

"I am Satan, fear me!" He growled, pounding his chest.

Officer smiled. "Finally, I'm free!" Officer got out of the chair enthusiastically "When do I get to get tortured?"

Satan suddenly turned gloomy, and his hands dropped to his side.

"To hell with it, everyone who has come to hell has been just like you. It's really not the same anymore, and there's no satisfaction from torturing someone eternally when they were not afraid..." Satan shuddered.

A glimpse of memory back to his life on earth have him a startling realization. He forgot to clear his browsing history! This couldn't do.. Not at all.

Satan noticed Officers subtle change in behavior, and asked a light question.

"What's troubling you?"

"Oh jeez," Officer fidgeted nervously. "I gotta go back-"

Satan cut him off rudely. "There's not going back for you, kid! Not matter what!"

Officer cleared his throat. "I gotta clear my browsing history. You know how it is, I can't have anyone finding out what I'm looking up..." Officer trailed off, muttering incoherently.

Satan stepped back, shaking the scene. "Oh my god, I didn't know."

Officer nodded solemnly. Satan sighed, pitying the human.

"I'll cut you a deal. If you wipe your browser history..." Satan leaned into Officers ear. "You gotta get me at least one terabyte of hardcore tentacle porn."

Officer was not one to question other people's desires, but this was not what he was expecting as a request from Satan at all.

"Oh. Oh." Officer nodded, paranoid.

"Alright, now that that's settled, we can move onto bigger and better things." Satan affirmed. He rubbed his temples and began to hum.

Officer, after several minutes, was beginning to ponder the mysteries of the universe when Satan spoke.

"You browser history... It was wiped by a friend named PigeonKicker, but it was also downloaded by the same person."

Officer was relieved that his history was gone, but Pigeon downloaded it? He always knew Pigeon couldn't be trusted!

Satan continued. "Your data was stolen... By Kim Jong Un, who is planning to use it to frame the people of America as perverted and disgusting."

"What a dastardly plot!" Officer snapped, crossing his arms.

"You must hurry, young one. Your time is not over. Rescue the browser history and bring the the porn! Go now! Into the portal!" Satan yelled, and set down a portal with his hands. It swirled with all sorts of creepy lightning coming out, but Officer was not afraid.

Satan tapped on Officer's shoulder. "Gather your forces before confronting Kim. I fear he knows you are coming for him."

Officer nodded, and stepped through the portal.

Satan set his arms on his sides, recalling when he was a wee lass much like Officer, full of energy and life.




Stay tuned for the next episode of Call of Hyperdimension Poland 6: OverCancer edition!