what's with this self-hate culture?

[kingjames488]

like... whenever something goes wrong it seems to be expected that everyone tries to admit as much fault as possible right from the start... and for reasons that aren't even important...

and then it's expected that others will say "oh no, that's not your fault!" even if it's obvious it's not.
but if you don't just instantly blame yourself for everything, it's like you're the worst person ever!

or just in general, people seem to like people who hate themselves to the point where it seems to be expected that one should hate themselves and if they don't it's viewed as arrogant or rude?

it's not healthy... everyone shouldn't be hating themselves so much.

[aka]

Origineel geplaatst door kingjames488:

everyone shouldn't be hating themselves so much.

I fell that most people should hate themselves way more, look at the world, not your bubble.

You're welcome

[Hello, Misty]

I think it's normal to hate yourself from time to time, we're not perfect ourselves after all. The best we could do is to just simply try to change some things about the way we are.

[Elucidator]

The world is bigger than us, and it actively oppresses the ability to dislike or hate. We can't fight it off or argue with it. Its rule, is law, basically. (You do what it wants, or else...)
Hate is stigmatized. You're going to be looked down upon, neglected, being namecalled or people end up gaslighting you, telling you you're insane or that there is something mentally wrong with you for getting angry.
The only one you can safely freely hate, without some judgement or insult being thrown at you, is yourself. That is the little bit of freedom we have.
Don't let people take that freedom away.

[GlaceonChireiden]

The constant seeking of validation

[Chaosolous]

If you don't hate yourself someone else is just gonna do it for you.

[craigsters]

https://youtu.be/ATE3m3HOmMw


https://youtu.be/82cJgPXU-ik


https://youtu.be/uVXy7AsjvL4

[kbiz]

Origineel geplaatst door kennwihopfu:

I think it's normal to hate yourself from time to time, we're not perfect ourselves after all. The best we could do is to just simply try to change some things about the way we are.

Good point. Just walk - slowly - in the direction you want over time.

[kbiz]

Origineel geplaatst door Elucidator:

Hate is stigmatized. You're going to be looked down upon, neglected, being namecalled or people end up gaslighting you, telling you you're insane or that there is something mentally wrong with you for getting angry.
The only one you can safely freely hate, without some judgement or insult being thrown at you, is yourself. That is the little bit of freedom we have.

I think that is a waste of time.

[Tonepoet]

Nobody can give another person good advice without adequate information regarding how to proceed. If your friend is upset with you and you want me to try and help you reconcile with your friend, you are going to have to tell me why you think your friend might be upset with you. There is no way for me to proceed otherwise.

Sometimes the people who need this sort of help the most do not know really why their friend is upset with them in the first place though, and hence they come up with all of the wrong reasons, which makes them seem faultless in the circumstance.

Other times people do not want to cast themselves in too bad of a light publicly, and hide information from us which would make them seem like they are in the wrong, and make stuff up that makes them seem faultless, undermining their advisors' ability to address their faults.

Also, when using a forum, we advisors are restricted in our responses to the social rules in the forum. We aren't really allowed to say anything too bad in response, even if advisors do think something is seriously wrong with their advisees. The rules undermine our ability to be fully honest.

It is probably not all too great of an idea to try and get advice off of internet strangers anyway, for any number of reasons. It is much better to get help from somebody who knows you in person. However, it is something somebody might do as one of their final few resorts when they are struggling to think of who or what else to which to turn, so it happens anyway from time to time, and this is the natural result of it.

[kbiz]

Origineel geplaatst door Tonepoet:

Nobody can give another person good advice without adequate information regarding how to proceed. If your friend is upset with you and you want me to try and help you reconcile with your friend, you are going to have to tell me why you think your friend might be upset with you. There is no way for me to proceed otherwise.

The quote for that is a Devsman (inspired) quote:

Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

That wins. Feels good too. Wining and winning is called win-win (another Devsman quote). Or was it Shakespeare?

Don't operate people's minds. Ask them. Them look them in the eyes when they answer. And forget minor transgressions.

[Professor]

We should never be told or convinced of anything by others unless it is what we ourselves decide. It is shameful for others to tell us to self hate or to be ashamed of anything because the simple act of letting others control how we feel is already very wrong. Not so much self hate, just a realisation that we ourselves are influenced by the world around us. We don't live in a bubble where we are not effected in some way by everything outside.

Self hate is harsh & often misguided but it does tend to make us aware that we alone as individuals are responsible for how things effect us. I don't like the colour black but it is not the colours fault, it is my own responsibility when it comes to how I feel & react. Sure their are millions of situations where we have no control of circumstance but in the end it is us as individuals who determine how we feel about anything.

It has become much easier to blame something or somebody else as action & reaction is a response shared by nature. We too easily look outwards to explain our woes & often don't dedicate enough time or thought reflecting inwards as to how we ourselves are influenced by anything.

Misunderstanding, disagreements, jealousy, pride, grief & so many other things are generally the reaction to an action over the things that are not shared in common. And when they are not, it causes pain, suffering, humiliation, fear, hatred, loss & so on.

Don't we ourselves have control over our own emotional responses?. Take the loss of a loved one as we suffer because we miss them & are hurt because we wish they were still here. I tend to think the overwhelming cause of all human suffering is because of wanting. I have a saying that has served me well & that is "never let your emotions be controlled by others"

[Ganger]

Origineel geplaatst door craigsters:

I blame the grunge and alternative music and the lack of good TV shows to view

The A-Team
Wonder Women
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Incredible Hulk
The Dukes of Hazzard
Doctor Who
Battlestar Galactica
The Outer Limits
The X-files,
Sliders
Mork & Mindy
Star Trek

If they had the above to watch since the 1970's, 1980's and early 1990's they might of been less hateful and emo like

The above shows I listed I got to enjoy watching growing up

I used to watch all of these as well (apart from the outer limites). Brings back great memories for me, but looking back, all these shows were cheesy as hell. It's a shame the new generations want to cancel these shows. Another show I used to watch was 'Happy days', now this show will cause liberal meltdowns if aired today.

[craigsters]

Origineel geplaatst door Ganger:

Origineel geplaatst door craigsters:

I blame the grunge and alternative music and the lack of good TV shows to view

The A-Team
Wonder Women
The Six Million Dollar Man
The Incredible Hulk
The Dukes of Hazzard
Doctor Who
Battlestar Galactica
The Outer Limits
The X-files,
Sliders
Mork & Mindy
Star Trek

If they had the above to watch since the 1970's, 1980's and early 1990's they might of been less hateful and emo like

The above shows I listed I got to enjoy watching growing up

I used to watch all of these as well (apart from the outer limites). Brings back great memories for me, but looking back, all these shows were cheesy as hell. It's a shame the new generations want to cancel these shows. Another show I used to watch was 'Happy days', now this show will cause liberal meltdowns if aired today.

When my mothers night time shows used to come on and as I got older in my Teens, I had no choice but to watch the following night time soaps and dramas my mother liked and two sisters

Knots landing
Dallas
Dynasty
Falcon Crest
The Love Boat


regular dramas my mother liked

Fantasy Island
Hill Street Blues
Miami Vice
St. Elsewhere
Cagney & Lacey
Simon & Simon
Magnum PI -Tom Selleck

[[N]ebsun]

Origineel geplaatst door kingjames488:

everyone tries to admit as much fault as possible right from the start....

and then it's expected that others will say "oh no, that's not your fault!"

Basically summed it up there - whether it was or wasn't their fault, people around them will immediately respond by saying it's not their fault... then they can just run with that from that point on.

[Ganger]

Origineel geplaatst door craigsters:

When my mothers night time shows used to come on and as I got older in my Teens, I had no choice but to watch the following night time soaps and dramas my mother liked and two sisters

Knots landing
Dallas
Dynasty
Falcon Crest
The Love Boat


regular dramas my mother liked

Fantasy Island
Hill Street Blues
Miami Vice
St. Elsewhere
Cagney & Lacey
Simon & Simon
Magnum PI -Tom Selleck

I was forced to watch them as well (apart from Knots landing, St. Elsewhere and fantasy Island). But I did have a soft spot for Dynasty tho...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MijaRcVaRK0