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You know I was a great basketball player. I was. I decided to give it up, but if I'd gone pro I would hold every record in the book. I would. I'd be the greatest ever. They would have had to close down the Hall of Fame after inducting me. There would have been no point in keeping it open. There would have been nowhere to go but down when I retired.
Of course, I probably wouldn't be retired. I'm almost eighty but I know I'd still be starting point guard for the Lakers. I'd be the only player in history to average a triple double per game for the season. It's true, you all know it.
And I'm not entirely correct. Modern lemay is metallized mylar.