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Better just to stay in school, son.
http://www.thesaurus.com
You can also try googling "purple prose generator," but all I find is NSFW stuff. Neither of them is exactly what you're asking for, but postmodernist nonsense and bizarre sexual metaphors are more entertaining anyway.
Heh, trying to sound smart but actually not making sense kinda works anyway. I wanted to try to see what'd happen with the Navy Seal copypasta having the "super intelligent" sort of speak. I guess I could do it manually but I kinda needed to do it ASAP before the moment ended.
Thanks anyways!
Here's one I found for translating English to Shakespearean
Examble Text: "ugh! come here and consume my hat you lazy fool"
Translated Text: "fie! cometh h're and englut mine own coxcomb thee distemperate blinking idiot"
http://lingojam.com/EnglishtoShakespearean
Thanks for that! I'll look for them!