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Been a while since I played native (VC ftw), but I'm quite sure trading should help you get enough money to start waging war.
Swadia is a good faction if you want constant war, since they hold the center position. But in general it isn't very important which faction you first chose. More important is how you behave, because that determines your relations to all lords of all factions.
2) Use money to make more money(enterprises).
3) With money acquire fashion.
4) Kings like fashion, become vassal.
5) Disregard females, acquire greater fame+fortune.
6) Regard females, woo daughter of powerful lord.
7) Become friends with good guy lords.
8) Take your woman and your lands into own kingdom.
9) Crush faction that has the most of your friends in it.
10) Your friends will join you and you become the most powerful faction.
These are the 10 steps to Conquest in Warband.
Otherwise, spot on. (fashion -> renown)
- Alayan, Firentis, Bunduk (heavy cavalry)
- Deshavi, Baheshtur (horse archers)
- Ymira (strategist: tactics, engineering; training)
- Jeremus (medic: surgery, wound treatment, first aid; training)
- Klethi (outrider: scouting, pathfinding; training)
They get along, they have great stats for their levels, and they leave the decent lord builds (Rolf, Matheld, Lezalit) available for promotion.
Swadia - Starting in Swadia is a fine strategy. I've never had a problem starting out with them. Depending upon the situation and how the game plays out (ie player involvement or lack thereof), they might have difficulty holding onto Dhirm but the middle-ground will always be heavily contested...it's the middle-ground. Swadia has never been wiped out first in any game I've ever played and when I'm in the faction, they typically rule the map (until I declare myself a King, that is).
I've also never been afraid of joining any faction. In my games, I'm in a hurry to get 150+ renown so I can join up. The size or quality of your army has nothing to do with it. You simply have to be more cautious and intelligent when you are small and weak. Participate in battles with your fellow faction peers, help break sieges, target smaller groups that circle massive invasion forces, etc. Be smart and pick fights you can win.
Making money also has nothing to do with joining factions. Being in a faction will not prevent you from hunting bandits, investing in businesses or trading, etc. You can do all of that AND have a faction to back you up. Also, being in the faction and working on building better relations with your fellow lords is how you gain influence and increase your chances of being granted a castle or even a city. Not participating gets you exactly nothing.
Companions are important. They are superheroes who work for you. Train them up, equip them with the best gear and they will serve you faithfully. There are dozens upon dozens of various lists out there and none of them have ever helped me much. I just take on everyone I can and try to sort out the problems along the way. Just about anyone can get a group of eight to stick around, with a little extra effort (and maybe some luck?) ten or more isn't that difficult either. If you are determined to have sixteen, you could find ways to do that too (or so I've heard).
Having said all that, what you described in the OP is clearly a matter of you trying too hard, too soon. Advice about focussing upon yourself, developing your skills, your companions, training your men and making some money, is all good stuff. Being timid and frightened about joining a faction has nothing to do with that though.
get yourself a raidingparty of 50 or more swadian knights to crush the enemys, see them driven before you and think about the lamentation of the woman, and sell them to the next slaver
what should I do until then I can't find anything to fight. or ways to get money.
what can I do for a regular income and good leveling? I can't find any bandits or looters to fight and get a regular income of goods.