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Depends what stage of the game you're at, but war is ofen a positive thing. You can defend with far fewer troops than they will send, and get them leveled. up for a counter, or for attacking him later.
Without the expansions, war is inevitable. When an AI has built up a large army, they will want to use it, and if they think they can snag one of your cities, they WILL go after you. The only thing to do is keep an army at hand, repel them, make them give you a good peace deal, and then keep up with the tech curve. If you have no army or a minimal one, you've got a big target on your back. Always be ready to defend yourself.
Neighboring civs are also ALWAYS going to envy your lands and want to take them. Never trust them. One time I was super good pals with arabia and had tons of trade with them (after repelling a silly war in the ancient era), and then in the late game they immediately went "Yeah, that friendship? It was a ruse the whoel time. Die".
Finally, if you want more protection (and making a buffer of city states between you and your rival isn't enough), find another civ with a good military that's not right next to you, make friends with them, and make a defensive pact. It helps deter other nations from hitting you, makes them less likely to go to war because it would nnullify the pact, and gives you an instant ally if someone declares war on you. A friend of mine was able to make world peace one time by making defensive pacts with like half the planet and then the other civs all went "Uhh...That's a huge power block. I want to join them and be safe from them" and next thing you know, literally everyone was in his giant web of alliances because they were too scared to not be part fo it. XD
Never forget, the other civs are all playing to win too.
WITH the expansions (specifically Brave New World), war is a lot more rare. Just keep your military up to scratch, don't piss your "friends" off and keep spies in any suspicious neighbors and you should be ok. I literally scared off a rival I once attacked in the classical era (South Africa was MINE. ALL OF IT, no one gets in! Burn that damn city he put down!) tonight by getting a warning from a spy that he was plotting against me, and then I just built up a few cannons and musketmen, parked them on my border, and he suddenly decided that bullying montezuma was a smarter plan. XD