Solid guides that don't give an F about "Spoilers"

[CrashmanX]

Are there *any* guides that are of decent quality that do not care about spoilers? I honestly could not care less about "Spoilers" in a game like Noita. There story does not matter. The idea of "It's a spoiler if you learn how to do X!" I do not care. I just want to be able to do something aside from slap my face at the starting area trying what I *think* is the right thing.

I keep reading a lot about things like "Go to X part of the map" but the worlds are random to a degree, are they not? The "map" on the Wiki is just absolutely awful and gives incredibly little detail. Are there certain constants between each world? If so, what are the conditions for these constants? Like always spawning at X or spawns between X and Y?

Noita has made a LOT of roguelikes look like hand holding and I gotta say, I'm not sure I hate that. But I also kinda wish there was *some* semblance of direction to this game. Hell, Dwarf fortress has more direction than this.

[Rednax910]

I think there is some direction
additionally almost everything is fixed as long as its off the main path
but yes ignoring "spoilers"
1. going down the main path is the way most do it, this has by far the most content, enemies, loot, and leads to the final boss. To the right of the Mines you can find a lake of lava and an Emerald Tablet (lore dump and can be thrown to deal a good amount of damage), past the lake is a chasm with a bridge, and over the bridge is an Orb Room, which contains another Emerald Tablet and an Orb of True Knowledge, which gives you a new spell the first time round as well as a max hp buff. If you leave the orb room you will meet the hardest boss in the game, the Connoisseur of Wands, a big monster that will absolutely destroy you with powerful debuffs and projectiles.
2. If you head leftwards you find a really big frick of a tree. You can find an Emerald Tablet by following a flooded passage at ground level. Climbing up the tree you can find a nest with an Egg that spawns a worm that is probably hostile (not sure) but once you pass that a lot of acid slime things will spawn behind you and you can't fend them off because of their numbers and strength, so just run further up the tree. At the top is the Totems of Achievements that get bigger and better for doing the secret things, like slaying bosses, winning quickly, and other secret things. I won't spoil it because this game is so secretive I would hit the character limit repeatedly.
3. Over the tree you get s n o w, then a big drop into an equally big lake. This lake has a boss in its insane depths, as well as an island containing a special perk that makes you explode every few seconds, and a small hut. You can throw Emerald Tablets into said hut to make a portal to a bunker in the lake, which contains a strong wand (not random) as well as several spells you unlock by picking them up. Past the lake is a wall you absolutely cannot mine through (extremely dense rock with Cursed Stone in the middle that deals rapid damage on contact) but on the other side is a Parallel World that is the same as the main world except some things that you don't care about are missing,

[Rednax910]

4. If you head over the mountain (difficult, but possible with the right luck) you will have a long trek through grassland to the desert and the Pyramid. There are ruins in the desert which do nothing but the pyramid is a very difficult biome blocked by a large door than you can get through with, like anything in this game, strong enough explosives. The Pyramid biome contains some very late game enemies and a boss, so don't enter. Continue up the Pyramid's slopes and there will be an Orb of True Knowledge and Emerald Tablet at the top. On the other side is desert untill you hit a wall of Extremely Dense Rock like the one left of the lake. If you climb up this wall you will find a diamond of rock/brickwork called ???, and parts of it are rock so you can blow through it. Inside the diamond is a special perk that shoots out 8 strong projectiles from you every few seconds, which sounds good but you can't turn it off and they cause very small explosions which will damage you.
5. To the left of biomes on the main path you will often just find a wall, but sometimes you can find other things. The left of the Mines has a harder version of the Mines, and past that is the Dark Cave, which you cannot see in without a perk for it or if you drink worm blood. The Dark Cave is full of water and has a full HP restore as well as a max hp up hidden in it. Past the Dark Cave is the ancient laboratory which has a lot of strong mage enemies, and past that is a boss, the High Alchemist. Other biomes don't have much to the sides and when they do it is usually harder biomes that don't really go anywhere. In the final biome before the final boss there is a secret portal up and to the left, this portal teleports you to the Tower, the hardest biome in the game, full of all the strongest enemies fighting each other and causing chaos. At the top of the Tower (since you start at the bottom of it) there is a diamond containing 3 wands, you can only pick one. They are all very powerful. There is the Wand of Destruction, which contains Always Cast explosive spells as well as powerful ones on it, such as Nuke or Magic Missile level 3. There is the Wand of Swiftness, which fires extremely quickly (fastest in the game) and has strong projectiles like Magic Bolt on it. Then there is the Wand of Multitudes, which casts the most spells at once of any wand, casting around 20 spells at once and containing strong projectile spells including some spells like Magic missile.
Oh and to the right of the snowy depths is the bottom of the chasm past the lava lake.

[[MNI] Kisune]

Tipp Number 1 First thing each game look into Getting a Water flask as fast as possible You can use it to wash stains off you and pour a little water into toxic sludge and it all converts into water (swamp also works from what i remember)

Learn to leave Holy mountains witout collapsing them so you can always come back and edit wands (use A teleport spell to get in and our, Poly works too (both versions) as well as teleportatium otherwise Return in a Hollow egg is possible to use if i dont misremember you can also Dig around the exit in a Certain pattern to get out while not angering the gods

If you cross something where you might start burning douse yourself in water Preemptively
If you are wet you can litteraly jump into fire and not care (for a little)

Go slow and explore, If possible from top to bottom.
Once your Health falls low Abort all plans and take the Next portal you can safely get to (Low being different each area i would say area one 21 is when you are low since a shotgunner can one shot you)

Look at some guides for wand building on Youtube (DunkorSlam or FuryForged would be my recommendations for noita tipps Or there is also a Mod that basicaly just puts you in a wandbuilding 101 class thought i would need to look its name up agein)

Now With the General things out of the way

One thing that i think got missed in the above post is If you climb up the mountain right when you start (use your secondary wand to blow a little hole in the side to rest) you can get a orb bye climbing on the peak of the snow and
1 Shooting mostly straight upwards (there is a floating island with a orb thats resting on some snow appart from bouncing burst any starting spell can destroy it and cause the orb to fall) giving you agein 25 max hp

Thought if you want to "Win" i would suggest not going for orbs since they do make you a little stronger with the additional max hp but buff the boss quite a bit more and you need to know what you are doing
still until you feel like you have a shot at going for the boss just pick them up

The Orb on the right side accros the lava lake can be Picked up if you use invisiblium or Teleport bolts to leave the room (there is a Trigger for the boss spawn right around the edge of the orb room that normaly spawns it but teleports and invisiblium allow you to pass it witout triggering it)

Light also works for the dark cave and if you use a digging or explosive spell right where the Dark cave meets the Temple you can usualy drain most of the Water.

you could also (if you obtain something for infinite digging) go to the right edge of the map climb up a little past the Essense of Earth (dont worry about that you wont need that thing yet its what he described as the perk shooting 8 explosives) and and if i remember right Mine ROundabout in the direction of the North East corner to get to GOLD
its a little mini biome thats just a Room filled with gold so you get around 250k First time finding it will take a while but then you know where it is

All in all thats some starting advice but Realy The one thing that makes like 95% of a good run is being good at wand building (if you just want a Normal win going into parallel worlds etc would be far out of scope of what can be explained in a Comment here

[[MNI] Kisune]

One example as to why i Refer to a CC instead of just explaining wand Building would be that i dont fully Understand it all yet and secondary there is just to much to it (like chainsaw put in a wand and building the wand to loop around to it can cause it to skip the Recharge time completly allowing you to build Rapid fire wands

[CrashmanX]

I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on wand building. It's not exactly rocket science from what I've understood. Abuse the mechanics, like suggested with Chainsaw, and manipulate the hell out of it. But even that only gets you so far with bad RNG. I've had many runs where wands spawn with absurd instances of "Teleporting shot" on them. I can not think of any possible reason that would be good. Having more than 2 or 3 on a wand seems ridiculous and doesn't work any different from what I can tell.

Also, everyone keeps batting around wand mechanics saying "Look up a guide". Link one you know is good or you're following. The ones on the Wiki seem to be, again, insanely basic. "Did you know that the bouncy balls, BOUNCE?" kind of things.

I appreciate both of your posts and the details about the map are sincerely appreciated but unfortunately outside of the Gold area, don't seem to be too useful. Knowing where the orbs are is great, I've found 3 of them on my own, but as you said they make the boss harder so why would I even bother until I've beaten the game at least once?

[[MNI] Kisune]

I found the orbs to be nice to get a little better early game so you can go and learn the biomes (as in what enemys do what who do you prioritise etc)
As for direct guides i can list some that are somewhat basic in how they explain the spells but are overall good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtjpVRoh7dg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1-BgUYPC8Y&t=2s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O91mSzH0N9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVrHnFrDPkE
In my case Thats Dunk or slam
As for example Teleporting cast If i remember right thats the spell that makes projectiles apear further away from you right?
if thats the one then one good part about them is using them with any Teleport (not 100% sure if Return works too) you can use it to go into a holy mountain and then teleport upwards into the "Eye" holding the teleportatium for the portals
allowing you to go back to the previous area to for example scavenge for wands

And yhea finding a Good wand is something that very rarely happens but its usualy possible to find atleast a few componements for a good wand in pretty much every area then utilising the ways to leave a holy mountain witout breaking it you can freely build around with the different componements
I mean in most cases you can leave even the first holy mountain witout collapsing it
if you learn to kill the Guardian somewhat reliably then that chance is even much higher and there are 2 Tricks to killing him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gxq_jZM7RcE
Trick one for the first that spawns
and for Subsequent ones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gxq_jZM7RcE

And Yes he does show off certain builds that you might not always get but after some time you can learn more combos and find alternatives to these builds (as in alternate spells you can use or entirely different builds to use mechanics in there)
Like for example some spells i for quite a while did not consider to be usefull are the mists (as in pretty much all of them) as well as most orbits
well use a Mist on any Trigger (or Timer thought i prefer Trigger) together with orbits and you can basicaly Create a Mine
Or use a mist together with a Crit on to get 100% crit rate (so 500%dmg)
He also has i think 2 or 3 runs where he on purpose does not abuse to deep mechanics and just plays trought the game giving little Tipps or Tricks on how to deal with stuff

Agein i know it might not be that helpfull but its realy something where i for example just died 100 times or so (probably more since i dont think it counts restarts)
Then in one run just was like well i happened to get some hastium lets just run and see how far i go
and i ran all the way into the 3rd or 4rd area witout realy picking anything up and the run was my first win since i decided hey wait that worked well lets see what i might be able to build and just scavenged a few wands put stuff together (after looking into it)
next 5 runs i got 3 more wins (or could have gotten but after killing the boss i just left and went into the clouds and into hell The pyramid etc)
Edit: sry accidentaly linked the same video agein for the second way to kill the guardian but if you are interestet just look into his channel
also if you do already know most of the stuff he talks about you probably just need to learn the enemy behavior more (how do they move how do they attack etc)