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"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." - Einstein
_____________________
You are obviously doing the wrong thing over and over again.
I struggled like that when I was beginning and figured out what is important in order to progress. Hear me out.
There are different aspects of playing a solid game in AOE 2 which include:
1. Getting your eco up and running, knowing build order at beginning, NO idle vills, NO idle Town Centers
2. Defending your eco when under pressure
3. Keeping your scout alive and busy
4. Microing you military units
5. Putting pressure on your opponent
6. Knowing when to attack, when to pull back, which buildings and units to go for, who counters who etc.
7. Adjusting to different game situations(opponent went fast castle? he went feudal rush? what to do?)
8. Knowing the ins and outs of every civ.
However, as a beginner you must and SHOULD mostly focus ONLY on the first FEW. Once you get them done, THEN you should think about other aspects. You need to master the economy aspect of the first 15-20 mins of the game, which is the most important. If you don't get that right, you don't have a foundation. Luckily for you, this is much the same for all civilizations and follows a PATTERN.
As resonance says, "You can get away with some bad plays if you can play a solid eco game, but it doesn't matter how well you control units if you don't have an eco and fight with only one skirmisher".
You say you end up with literally no military and get stomped, this means your eco is weak and can't keep up. How do you fix your eco aspect? BUILD ORDER, BUILD ORDER.
You have to follow a certain build order in order to be able to be efficient in:
1. Clicking up to Feudal and Castle at proper times and not being late
2. Get your Town Center busy and keep it busy so it's churning out villagers all the time, meanwhile your vills will collect resources all the time and let you advance to next age, build more town centers, and create military units.
Now, build order means nothing if you can't execute it properly. To execute it properly you'll need:
1. to practice it so you don't think much about these things
2. be able to use hotkeys which are much quicker than clicking with mouse to build every building etc.
You also need to lure the boar and make sure your villagers don't get killed, keep scouting etc.
Here's a good example video, there are plenty of others.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtFhlA7_5Pc
All the best for the future.
you wanna get creative, play minecraft. I don't think there are games out there that don't require following procedures (i.e. building up and following instructions) even on basic games such as FPS or RPG
Have a look at this:
https://youtu.be/f3rtCuK9li8
hope it helps
I find a good start the Art of War campaigns included in the definitive edition. Get good at them, find other methods and always have in mind to be faster. Spending everything in economy is a great focus but have in mind that it takes time for a villager and economic technologies to pay for themselves, so you could instead also have immediate value for a military unit or a small army and hurt your opponent and make him pay for it, slowing him down while you grow up.
Not an easy task, this is a well matured game and you won't find an easy learning curve in the multiplayer scene
If you don't know the building order for an efficient dark age, you won't be able to beat anything above the standard difficulty. Above that you have to develop the knowledge on how to rush, how to fast castle and whatnot