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I see what you're saying, I love massive big Imperial Age battles with hundreds of units on the field fighting, huge economies and 8 barracks pumping out soliders, etc...lots of fun to be had.
You can use www.aoe2.net to make sure the players joining your game are sufficiently ranked to make it an enjoyable experience.
That's the thing about online multiplayer games. They are played the way they are and if you don't like that then it's just not the game for you. You can't just demand that people play the way you find fun, because a lot of people may find that way boring. I personally hate no rush games because it doesn't really do much but delay the game. The players who are best at building up their eco and managing there units is still going to win.
But most gameplay is O N L Y stupid hectical-rushermess.
And it is not the "way the game is played". The game have other modes too or settings to reduce this idiotic spam-fest (no rushing first minutes ect.).
But most player prefer simple gameplay (like in other games like shooter) Too. You find it so often in first person shooter and rts games: rushing,rushing,rushing and spam-fest(for rtsgames).
That kind of gameplay is boring.
AOE2 DE have a lot of settings/maps to have gameplay without spam/rushing all the time....but it will not used..All prefer simple-gameplay.
You see it in first person shooter too: The games,mods or gamemose it require real teamplay,tactic and or more tactic as only rushing will not have many plyers. But simple mainsteamgames (cod) or mods (king of the hill) have a lot of player.
It is so boring that the most games (shooter and rts9 have only the samme hectical gameplay.
Managing micro, macro, your strategy at a global and tactical level in competitive aoe2 is far from simple and is actually one of the more complex RTS's out there. That's actually the real multiplayer challenge of the game, and why some people are attracted to it.
A slower paced aoe2 game is actually more simple, and I get where you come from: you want to relax and play the long game.
So basically, I'd suggest to play black forest matches, get into diplomacy lobbies (those are usually high ressource/high pop and last 2+ hours), or play fortress/arena. I see these kind of lobbies open up every day, and I play a lot of diplo games myself.
Playing the campaigns and singleplayer is also a good option.
And as some people have suggested, create your own lobby, there are plenty of options to play around with, such as setting a later starting age, having more ressources on start, increased pop space, and having a treaty to prevent rushing.
It's just up to you. And there is no reason to complain really, as it's really easy to find players that have the same mindset.
Setup your own custom lobby, if you don't know how to do this feel free to ask.
However, you are not gonna make any friends here by calling the gameplay "O N L Y stupid hectical-rusherness" as that is how a lot of players enjoy the game. Yes, its not the only way to play it and everyone has different tastes, but there's not reason to complain when there are custom lobbies.
Rushing and fast gameplay does not make it stupid, it takes a ton of skill to pull off a rush with still maintaining your eco and preparing for a boom.
On top of the solutions other people have listed (know that if you do thinks like play no rush 40, its still a lot about who is faster because if the other person hits 200 villagers imperial at 30 minutes they've got 10 minutes to save up resources while you're still booming), there's also always just get better at the game.
What I mean by that is that you can actually play a very calm low apm style and still beat a majority of players. You just have to understand what you're doing. This game isn't a great game for that tbh, simple macro takes more apm in this game than pretty much any other game (including starcraft for example). But, if you just get down a good dark age, like gold on all the art of war challenges (this can be done without luring deer I'm pretty certain), you'll just end up with more stuff than lower level players. So what will happen is you'll get way more stuff, and because your opponent likely does not understand macro they have to be the one to outplay outspeed etc you.
Basically, if you just learn simple build orders which can be done with very low apm, you'll be able to just mindlessly boom and then attack move your army vs the entire bottom half of players. And you can just play casually, and accept that 50% of the micro nerds who can't macro half as well will beat you. But you're still playing super ezmode casual.
That requires you to have more game knowledge than your opponent though, which means a lot of work on your part to get better. And it gets kind of dumb sometimes, because you'll play people who just do stupid inefficient rushes and when you hold them off the game over instantly because you're so far ahead.
By far the easiest option is to just do as other people have said, and make unranked lobbies on black forest where you specify no rush 30 minutes or something. Or go play a turn based game.
I totally agree that the game is quite hectic and requires you to do a lot and do it fast. I'd say it can be quite stressfull at times.
But to me hectic and stressfull is the exact opposite of "boring". I'm bored when there's nothing to do or I have to wait a long time between events that require my interaction. But in AoE2, even at the very beginning there's always potential to do better and every few seconds you have to queue a new villager, check what your scout is doing and already make plans where you could wall off your base.
In my last game I was rushed by the opponent. I had to quickly qeue up units, add more military-buildings, run away with my villagers while keeping villager-production up and making sure all villagers were working on the right resources. Eventually I could shun the enemy-units away, finish my wall, get to castle-age, build more villagers and units and eventually overwhelm my opponent with a combination of Knights, Camels, Light-Cavalry, Archers, Rams and Skirmishers.
I wasn't "bored" for a single second during that as there was always plenty to do for me.
No real military-usage like flanking,build traps,cover other units ect. You must only spam your military as fast as possible and try to overrrun the enemy. A very big spam and rusher-fest.
Such hectical mess is not real tactical. And yes it is possible to have tactical gameplay in rts-games too (other games or some gameplay-settings in AOE2 DE). But all the time the same boring hectical rusher-spam-fest.
Who will not click/rush/soam fast enough will loose the most games. And not real important to use your army in formations or other tactical usage. The only thing you do is a unit spam with you army.
All the gameplay is a combination of simple fast click rusher-spam fest without real tactical gameplay.
If you understand how to play the game, one of 2 things happen.
Either A: you get high ranking and meet other people who know how to play, and if you just spam units at them without any thought whatsoever they'll crush you.
Or B: You realize your opponent has no clue what they're doing. If they just brainlessly spam units at you, they have less, their units have crap upgrades, they leave themselves open to counter attacks, they just run into walls they can't break while you boom, they let you get castles/towers up on all their resources without even fighting back, etc.
I can't say what your skill level is. But the issue you are coming across is something that will obviously happen to players who don't know how to play.
Like picture it this way. You're playing chess for the first time ever against another player who is playing chess for the first time ever. Is it tactical? No. Its hectic random garbage, and the player who wins is the player who doesn't blunder their queen.
That sounds like what you're playing. Tactics come in after you have some level of an efficiency in your build. Just like you can't use tactics in chess if you blunder your queen on turn 5, you can't use tactics in this game if you're falling 2 minutes behind your opponent to feudal age.
That's the only difference tactically between this rts and easier rts or turn based games. It you don't know what you're doing, your opponent hits castle age 3 minutes before you and just overruns you with 10 knights, or has 4 scouts in your base in feudal age and you just clicked up so you're trying to hold off for 2 minutes with only villagers.
It sounds like you want all the strategy with none of the execution. That's turn based games. Or in terms of rts games, the closest you'll get is probably like company of heroes or something. But even then, if it takes you 10 seconds to realize your squad is under attack, you'll lose.
Btw, you're falsely claiming other game modes are more about tactics. Like take no rush 40. You know who is really good at that? The ai. Late game scenarios require a ton of actions, which is why if you ask anybody the ai is 100x better at post imperial age than feudal.
Btw I'm basing this mostly off my experience with starcraft. Everybody thinks that game is about apm. But then you actually play it, you just build units off 50 apm, and boom you're diamond league. Top 20% of players, you're literally just sitting there build stuff and attack moving it.
That's strategy. You're not falling 2 minutes behind your opponent because you're faster. Its because they memorized a build order that gets to the same place 2 minutes faster than you. The reason it doesn't seem like strategy is because its already been figured out, so people just go and copy it from the pros. But you're trying to figure it out yourself, and inevitably fall behind.
And it feels a lot better to say that you're falling behind because you're apm is low, because it feels like the alternative would be that they out-strategied you. But its just muscle memory. They've gotten used to building a villager every 25 seconds, and memorized some build order that gets them up. That is mechanical, but its not speed. It doesn't require anything impressive out of you.
Or in short, do the art of war strategies. People won't be 2 minutes faster than you anymore. And once you have the same amount of stuff as your opponent you can actually figure out how to outthink them.
Btw, what game mode do you think is strategic in aoe2? Its definitely not no rush 40, and lower population is the same thing up until mid castle age and if its a rush-fest you've probably won/lost by then.
The discussion here would be whether this game is more about mechanics or more about tactics.
And spoiler, its far more about tactics. If you take a professional league of legends player who has never touched an rts before, they'll suck. Horribly. Because they don't even know to build villagers yet.
Its not your speed's fault you're falling behind. Imagine 2 new players are playing chess, and one of them just went and copied the first 10 moves off some online guide. Its obvious the other player will fall behind. And I'd bet that's what's happening to you, and you're falsely claiming its your mechanics that failed.
He made the same thread a few weeks ago, and people still fall for this type of bait every time.