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And yes, I'd adopt the Solitude boy too if I could adopt four. He's at least being provided for and cared for. The other three have it worse and I'm not even considering the Honorhall kids. Once you kill Grelod the Kind, they have a kindly caretaker and beds to sleep in at night.
I'm currently using it with Candlepond Ranch and it works fine. TMphoenix (the author) maintains a list of currently supported house mods on the Nexus pages version of his mod.
It works fine with all vanilla homes although there aren't enough beds for all the kids to sleep in so they just stand around all night with nothing to do. Otherwise theres no problems.
I also think you have to be married, but after that just talk to her and an option for hey, I could adopt you should come up.
I too have adopted the girl in Windhelm. You do not need to buy the house in Windhelm. If you own any home in Skyrim that has a children's bedroom, you will be allowed to adopt her, and she will go to that home, no matter what city it is in.