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Edit: Ok it's 100% a device doing it :/ . It took building a Unity project to find it. Dumping every InputDeviceDescription shows vendor 48879: device 1133, which looks to be a SpaceMouse which isn't plugged into this PC anymore. I removed its driver and now the lists work correctly.
Seems like they could white list the actual controllers they care about and save some trouble, but I'm glad it's working.
https://forums.eagle.ru/topic/98036-disconnecting-controllers-easily-with-scripts-in-windows
Anyway, solved it by unplugging, which changed audio devices, which forced me to restart beat saber because it wouldn't output to my headset even when overwriting the device in OVR Advanced Settings. HHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh.