Is “Portal 2″ Safe for the Christain Family? ( LOL, WTF )

[Allegory_Violation_8193]

The article I got this from: http://christwire.org/2011/04/is-portal-2-safe-for-the-christain-family/




As a Christian father, I choose not to allow video games into my household, but occasionally my boys will have sleep overs with other Christian families that might be more lax than ours. Imagine my surprise the other day when I overheard my second oldest boy talking about a video game he had played at a friend’s house. As soon as I heard the name “Portal 2”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.

I rushed to the computer that I keep locked away from my impressionable children, and what I found was truly disturbing. Just 10 minutes of Bing research produced so much evidence that this game was a homosexual recruitment tool that I have now forbidden it. You better believe that I called the other father and gave him a good talking to. As a devout Christian, he agreed with me and has now burned his Portal 2 DVD on his barbeque grill to make sure this threat to his family is gone for good.

Here are some of the things I have learned: This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation. Just the name “valve” produces images in the mind of a Christian man that should not be there.

Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven’t heard of this filth, “glory holes” are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy.


Glory hole in the game.

Glory hole in ♥♥♥♥-gay bath house. Hard to tell the difference, right?

There are two adorable robots. Who doesn’t love robots? Kids sure do. Well, these 2 robots are a homosexual couple. The tall one is the dominate bear and the little one is the swishing bottom. Even the voices are clearly transexual which is a dead give away. I shudder to think of what life style choices a little child will think is decent after pretending to be one of these two mechanical gays. Instead of penises, they have glowing red and blue lights in their sex area.

As if that was not enough, there are mechanical testicles and gay saunas around every corner. Not enough? Well this game introduces “gels” which help the innocent children slide through a glowing red sphincter.

I could go on, but my stomach is turning at this latest ♥♥♥♥-gay invention. There is nothing christ-centered in this game. Protect your children from this latest assault from the gay agenda.

[ball]

I'm a Christian and I find absolutely nothing wrong with Portal 2. No idea what this guy's on about.

[Singh]

It's called satire.

[Logos]

Welcome to 2011. Also, that is a satire website. Apparently we live in the age of the internet where everything we read on it must be true. I'm glad you finally discovered this article though. I hope it gave you a good laugh.

[Allegory_Violation_8193]

Originally posted by IceSage:

Welcome to 2011. Also, that is a satire website. Apparently we live in the age of the internet where everything we read on it must be true. I'm glad you finally discovered this article though. I hope it gave you a good laugh.

I knew it was a troll page, but It was too funny to pass up.

[ThePlagued]

I lol'd.. that was hilarious.

[PackSciences]

Laughed

[chriskringel]

It surely is satire. I also read something about on some hardcore-feminist article that Portal would break with the tradition of "phallus" symbolism in "shooters". Like a rifle, bullets, etc. They where happy about that the portal gun would shoot out something more feminin-like, at least "anti-phallus". So that was on this site. I'm not sure about if this also was meant as satire. I guess so, or hope so. But I mean this is the internet. So, I don't want to know. ;-)

However back to "Is Portal 2 safe for the Christian family"? I love Portal 2! Will be playing co-op with my kids someday (this to happen will still take quite a *long* time though, we're working on it).

And seriously I absolutely love the storytelling in Portal 2. It is just brilliant and at my first playthrough I couldn't believe how good it was. I couldn't stop playing. Also it always plays with that it has some deeper meaning. Like the Greek mythology stuff around the game here and there. Portal's storyline touches me more and is more epic than many AAA-titles. Portal has great humour but it is not comedian, and behind the humour it's a serious story. The scale of the story works without any gore or blood or graphic images. So that's a huge plus for kids. Also it shows everyone that you can have such a big scale of a story without people shooting at each other, etc.

Last but not least, you even have a biblical quote from Genesis in Portal: "Let there be light!" and Wheatley even makes the correct citation. The game doesn't have so many references as Vampire Weekend's recent album, but still it is a quote from the Bible. So that's a plus.

Conclusion: approved to be save for the Christian family. Also if I go more "hardcore evangelical": PC games are -as a rule- less harmful than e.g. movies. Regardless of the choices you are doing in gameplay of whatever game, it still makes you think, feel good, feel bad. You can actively engage in the story whatever the results. Watching movies is very passive though. Especially children to 10/12 years just consume what they are seeing. For children until like 3-5 yrs too much television is even harmful. With gaming I don't see so many problems.

[chriskringel]

(ok, I took that far too seriously, I know)

[ball]

Originally posted by IceSage:

Welcome to 2011. Also, that is a satire website. Apparently we live in the age of the internet where everything we read on it must be true. I'm glad you finally discovered this article though. I hope it gave you a good laugh.

That it did.

[Nobody]

portal one and two are only brain teasez nothing wrong with that

[ana spelunky (menace)]

I am a christian.

After reading

I am not a christian.

[KyloX]

Despite the necro, it gaved a nice laugh.
Now pass the shovel before this becomes a religion bashing thread.

[Turambar]

1-I am gay

2-I feel very bad for those sons, it must very horrible live under such a narrow mind person

3-Sigmund Freud should be proud of this guy

4- I bet that he is a frustrated gay

5- People like this guy are the kind of people that like to kill people from out their villages. Like in that movie called Easy Rider. Its amizing to see that this kind of people are still there around... it really makes me feel scary.

EDITED: I am reading that you guys thinks that that place is a satire web... sorry but I am not that sure about that... I hope so... but I have saw places like that and those places weren't a satire at all...

[Snarplord XVI]

The real question is: is this Christian family safe for Portal 2?

[ana spelunky (menace)]

Originally posted by Sir Santalord the Jolly:

The real question is: is this Christian family safe for Portal 2?

Answer

No, no they're not.