Warhammer Puns and Jokes

[Ben Argo]

I love puns and jokes. I have a few I'd like to share and hopefully you'll add some of your favorites in here as well.

"What do you give a dwarfen warrior with constipation? A Battl-Axitive!"

"Franz throws a heretic and a beastman off the wallfs of Altdorf: which one hits the ground first? Who cares?!"

"How many greenskins does it take to make a sandwich? Depends on 'ow many a' the little grotz da' Boss kin fit in 'is mouth!"

"How many dwarfs does it take to build a gyrocopter? A thousand; one to put it together and the other 999 to shake their heads disapprovingly."

"One day Young Malekith was playing with his friend in a tree when the playmate slipped and fell. The playmate wasn't moving, so Malekith ran to ask his mother for help. Morathi says, 'Calm down. Before I can do anything you need to make sure he's really dead.'

Malekith runs back into the garden and returns a few moments later, covered in blood, 'Okay, mom, he's definitely dead. Now what?"

"One day little Wulfrik went to his mother and asked, 'Mother, am I truly a Norscan?'
She replied, 'Of course you are! What a stupid question. Look at your strong arms and your tattoos of the Four. You're as Norscan as I am!'
'Yes, but are you certain I'm not an Ostlander or a Nordlander? Or maybe an Estalian?'
"Nonsense! You're a Norscan through and through. If you don't believe me, go and ask your father."

So little Wulfrik journeyed down to the beach and found his father giving sacrifices to the Four. 'Father, am I truly a Norscan," he asked. 'What?! Why would you ask such a stupid question? Look at your strong back and your battle-scars. Of course you're Norscan.' 'But father, is it possible that perhaps I'm an Ostlander or a Nordlander? Or even an Estalian?'
'Nonsense! You're a Norscan through and through. Tell me, why do you dishonor me so?'

'I'm sorry father, but if I'm Norscan, why do I feel so bloody cold?!'

[Kaelus Von Sestiaf]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

"What do you give a dwarfen warrior with constipation? A Battl-Axitive!"

eh

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

"Franz throws a heretic and a beastman off the wallfs of Altdorf: which one hits the ground first? Who cares?!"

Heh

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

"How many greenskins does it take to make a sandwich? Depends on 'ow many a' the little grotz da' Boss kin fit in 'is mouth!"

hehe

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

"How many dwarfs does it take to build a gyrocopter? A thousand; one to put it together and the other 999 to shake their heads disapprovingly."

*snickers*

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

"One day Young Malekith was playing with his friend in a tree when the playmate slipped and fell. The playmate wasn't moving, so Malekith ran to ask his mother for help. Morathi says, 'Calm down. Before I can do anything you need to make sure he's really dead.'

Malekith runs back into the garden and returns a few moments later, covered in blood, 'Okay, mom, he's definitely dead. Now what?"

Bahahahahahahahahaha!

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

"One day little Wulfrik went to his mother and asked, 'Mother, am I truly a Norscan?'
She replied, 'Of course you are! What a stupid question. Look at your strong arms and your tattoos of the Four. You're as Norscan as I am!'
'Yes, but are you certain I'm not an Ostlander or a Nordlander? Or maybe an Estalian?'
"Nonsense! You're a Norscan through and through. If you don't believe me, go and ask your father."


So little Wulfrik journeyed down to the beach and found his father giving sacrifices to the Four. 'Father, am I truly a Norscan," he asked. 'What?! Why would you ask such a stupid question? Look at your strong back and your battle-scars. Of course you're Norscan.' 'But father, is it possible that perhaps I'm an Ostlander or a Nordlander? Or even an Estalian?'
'Nonsense! You're a Norscan through and through. Tell me, why do you dishonor me so?'

'I'm sorry father, but if I'm Norscan, why do I feel so bloody cold?!'

...
I don't get this one

[Ben Argo]

The Norscan joke is based on a joke about a baby polar and relies more on the body language to be funny.

The idea is that the North is cold and that Norscan shouldn’t be bothered by it but Wulfric is.

[Wh♂♂par]

And so it happened, that Slaanesh asked Tzeentch: "What is it, that you lust for?"

And Tzeentch replied: "It's all going according to my plan - So I really don't know, what the ♥♥♥♥ is going on."

[Darth Wadewilson]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

Why can Sigmar never go bald? because we are all heirs of Sigmar!

Why can the skaven never go bald. Coz there is no such thing as skaven!!

[Wh♂♂par]

A famous Norscan story tells of a Norscan Marauder and his adventures. He went to Nordland, but sadly couldn't for the Leif of his have the last Olaf, when he tried to get off the boat. It became Aslog to walk through the wet sand and one could've sworn he's gone Balder from this experience. It was getting Calder and I guess he was just not Bjorn to be in Nordland. Should've Stig to staying home.

[Voxrox]

Początkowo opublikowane przez Ben Argo:

Come on guys, I know they’re not the best jokes but I expected at least a chuckle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBkuNpgACH0