Warhammer Puns and Jokes

[Ben Argo]

I love puns and jokes. I have a few I'd like to share and hopefully you'll add some of your favorites in here as well.

"What do you give a dwarfen warrior with constipation? A Battl-Axitive!"

"Franz throws a heretic and a beastman off the wallfs of Altdorf: which one hits the ground first? Who cares?!"

"How many greenskins does it take to make a sandwich? Depends on 'ow many a' the little grotz da' Boss kin fit in 'is mouth!"

"How many dwarfs does it take to build a gyrocopter? A thousand; one to put it together and the other 999 to shake their heads disapprovingly."

"One day Young Malekith was playing with his friend in a tree when the playmate slipped and fell. The playmate wasn't moving, so Malekith ran to ask his mother for help. Morathi says, 'Calm down. Before I can do anything you need to make sure he's really dead.'

Malekith runs back into the garden and returns a few moments later, covered in blood, 'Okay, mom, he's definitely dead. Now what?"

"One day little Wulfrik went to his mother and asked, 'Mother, am I truly a Norscan?'
She replied, 'Of course you are! What a stupid question. Look at your strong arms and your tattoos of the Four. You're as Norscan as I am!'
'Yes, but are you certain I'm not an Ostlander or a Nordlander? Or maybe an Estalian?'
"Nonsense! You're a Norscan through and through. If you don't believe me, go and ask your father."

So little Wulfrik journeyed down to the beach and found his father giving sacrifices to the Four. 'Father, am I truly a Norscan," he asked. 'What?! Why would you ask such a stupid question? Look at your strong back and your battle-scars. Of course you're Norscan.' 'But father, is it possible that perhaps I'm an Ostlander or a Nordlander? Or even an Estalian?'
'Nonsense! You're a Norscan through and through. Tell me, why do you dishonor me so?'

'I'm sorry father, but if I'm Norscan, why do I feel so bloody cold?!'

[Ben Argo]

Come on guys, I know they’re not the best jokes but I expected at least a chuckle

[Matayus22]

On a tomb king cocktail party.

Khalifa: Great Settra, can thou hand me a metropolitan?

Settra: Settra. Does. Not. Serve.
Khatep: *in admiration* Settra rules!!!

[Old Dirty Bingo Caller]

Originally posted by Matayus22:

On a tomb king cocktail party.

Khalifa: Great Settra, can thou hand me a metropolitan?

Settra: Settra. Does. Not. Serve.
Khatep: *in admiration* Settra rules!!!

Hahahahahahahaha

[Ben Argo]

I liked the fanboi Khatep at the end.

What did the Dwarf dessert maker say when one of his clients lies to him? “That’s a fudgin’.”

[Matayus22]

Originally posted by Ben Argo:

I liked the fanboi Khatep at the end.

What did the Dwarf dessert maker say when one of his clients lies to him? “That’s a fudgin’.”

*Dwarf Dessert Smith looks into book of fudges for ancient recepy*

[Muerte]

YES WE norsCAN!

Vote for me 2020

[Ben Argo]

Originally posted by Wulfrik the Wanderer:

YES WE norsCAN!

Raid for me 2020 :csgo_gg:

Fixed for accuracy.

[TVMAN]

Q: What's Settra's favorite band?
A: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rkqLGTg0rE

[Fendelphi]

There once was a hungry troll and a goblin.
The end.

[Wh♂♂par]

If the Steam forums were to power a Steamtank, the End Times had never happened.

[Redwolf]

This good old TWW meme for those that missed it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JMpIPzh_AAM

[Dorch]

Whats the most popular video game console among Dwarves?
.
.
.
Dawi

[ＳＨＡＤＯＷ２ＫＫ]

Originally posted by Ben Argo:

Come on guys, I know they’re not the best jokes but I expected at least a chuckle

A chuckle would imply that they were funny to begin with:P

[Ben Argo]

Why can Sigmar never go bald? because we are all heirs of Sigmar!

[TVMAN]

Originally posted by SHADOW2KK:

A chuckle would imply that they were funny to begin with:P

Last time I saw something this savage, I was playing Wurrzag.