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No
So you can't get rid of aversion, but you can build relations to the point that the aversion value is completely meaningless.
yeah I'm friendly enough with the one I'm trying to get to vassal. now is it possible to vassal just about anyone?
I actually don't have a good answer for you on that, for a couple reasons.
First, I've got about half the time in this game compared to the previous one and I know that there are actually a number of mechanical differences between the two. I think there are some factions that can only make certain cultures into vassals (Warriors of Chaos can only get Norscan tribes as vassals, if I understand correctly, but I've not yet tested this).
Secondly, I've got quite a few mods loaded, included tweaks to what you can and can't do with diplomacy, as well as racial preferences. I don't want to make a bad statement without realizing that it is not, in fact, the way it works in the base game.
Who are you playing as, though? Depending on which faction it is, I may be better able or less able to answer if I know that.
Also, I have never seen a vassal option on Very Hard.
Edit: I have won on Very Hard with Lizards, High & Dark Elves. I'm guessing they go for confederation.
yeah that's the conclusion I was coming to. seems like they would have to pretty much have no power what so ever for it to work. I'm determined though lol I will make them bow down!
So being involved in all their wars is good, except in one particular case:
It used to be that if a faction had one city left, was under siege against a much stronger force, and you weren't at war with the besieging faction, the AI would be more inclined to accept a vassal agreement in a last-ditch attempt to survive. This is because they would automatically match your diplomatic stance when they became your vassal, cancelling all their current wars against enemies who you aren't fighting, and getting signed up for wars against your current foes. The sudden declaration of peace with the besiegers meant that the siege was automatically broken and your new vassal would live to serve another day. Even if they besiegers declared war immediately, they'd be starting the siege all over again, which would hopefully give you time to get a relief army to your new vassal's last city before they got wiped out.
I have no idea if that's still a thing that works, and it requires some very deliberate and delicate setup-- doubly so if you're trying to not ruin your "reliability" rating and incur the associated diplomatic penalties. Personally, I never went out of my way to do it because of how much of a pain it was to deliberately maneuver regional diplomacy in that fashion; it was always more of a question of whether or not it just so happened to be convenient for me to take advantage of at the time.