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Feasts are kinda weird though, you can show up too early as well as too late. They typically only last a few days at most so unless you happen to be in the neighbourhood, it's not always so easy to make it.
They are useful for improving relationships and finding a spouse to marry though. You can usually pick up a few quests as well, if you want.
If you aren't in the faction and you haven't earned enough reknown, they might not let you in.
The best feasts take place in cities with a tournament. You can win the tournament, talk to the dinner guests, then wait a few hours and do it all over again.
It is really annoying either way.
Eventually you will stumble across a feast by accident. If you ever pass by a town or castle and you see a whole bunch of lords in there, it probably means there is a feast taking place. You don't need an invitation; as long as you are not at war with that faction, you can attend, even if you are not one of their vassals.