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I only give anything to lords who are nearly or fully devoted to me.
The аsshоlеs will be unhappy unless you go out of your way to make them happy, using tricks other than assigning fiefs. Help them in battle, break them out of jail, lead them on successful campaigns, give them gifts, cash and troops, etc... Or, never give them more than a dinky village, never anything fortified, and when they betray you, no loss - they can't take the village with them.
The saints will be happy with your fief assignments, unless you favor people whom they really dislike (those people will be аsshоlеs anyway) The problem with saints is that they are very, very hard to convince to betray their rightful kings, so you will not be getting any in your kingdom until some factions have been eliminated.
The wise guys are where it's at. They can be befriended, they can be turned to your side, and once they serve you, they have the good of the realm in their minds. They will often agree among themselves about who should get the next fief, and when they do not (because of family and friendships) they can be convinced to come to your point of view, as long as it is not too outrageous.
So try to staff your kingdom with wise guys (saints are great, if you can get them) then assign fiefs only when you have a chance to poll the lords options and then convince as many as you can that you are doing the right thing. This is best done at tournaments, between short victorious campaigns.
The wise king keeps a cycle going:
Call a feast, wait for everyone to assemble, schmooze with the guests.
Cancel the feast, call a campaign, smash the enemy marshal, take one fortification.
Cancel the campaign, call a feast, gift troops as they arrive, wait for everyone to assemble, talk to everyone, get their opinion, make your choice, convince the dissenters, assign the fiefs.
Cancel the feast, allow enough time for them to take care of their duties.
Repeat.
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You can also use lords and lose them - keep all fortifications for yourself, give each lord one village only, and keep expending, and hiring new lords, to replace the ones that defect.
This is the best strategy for speed runs - basically you conquer the map before your sнiттy treatments of lords catches up with you.
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Relationship with lords should not degrade automatically, unless you have left them landless, or you are playing with a mod that allows you to sacrifice the nobility's interests for the sake of serfs and craftsmen, and have done so.
PICK the lords you take in. dont take dishonorable, unreasonable, or those who hate each others in the same faction.
I tend to end up with around 10 lords who all agree between themselves, and they agree on everything i decide to do, and the releationship hit with giving fiefs to others degrades really low.
of course the relationships degrade fastly if you have an honorable, friendly lord in your faction, then you give a fief to a lord who does dishonorable things, and is a person who the honorable lord doesnt like.
They degrade "automatically" if the lord in question loses a battle. By a factor of -1 each battle a vassal loses.
Very detailed answer. Thanks!