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It'd be best to accept someone you already have a high relationship with and give him a fief. Another alternative is to accept family members as your relationship with them when you give fiefs to their relatives won't deteriorate as badly (sometimes it doesn't affect you at all) and they may favour their relatives when you choose to award a fief to one of your lords which is in favour of your relationship with them.
As a rule of thumb,the exiles act disloyal to players.
better to enfeoff field to NPC in your troop,like Alayen.
If so, then these two (and other similar guys who served in your throne) will constantly lose their loyalty to you. No matter how much fief you bribed, or how many boots you licked. Just declare them treason and confiscate their fief, before it's too late.
Only if there is a way to check the other people's honor rating before you decide, but no, dev don't like you mere players feel easy and comfortable.
If they are showing up in your court to join you... well, you have fewer options. Many mods have personalities listed in the character sheet, if you have met them and talked to them, or if you have questioned other nobles/minstrels/relatives/serfs/guildmasters about them. Native lists rumors and complaints, but not the personality they reveal.
If you have not revealed the personality, and you have really high honor, you can often tell by how much they like you. If they are at 100, they are saints (upstanding and benevolent) because they love you for your honor. If they are -3 and below, they are аssноlеs (sadistic, quarrelsome, debauched) If they are mildly positive, they are probably wise аssеs (cunning and martial) because those like you for releasing them after capturing them in battle.
This above is not fool proof. If you quest for аssноlеs, or help them in battle, or join them in assault, or you release them from jail, etc... they may get positive, and deceive you. So either make a note when you get a boost with an аsshоlе (you can tell, because they start at -3) or just stay on the safe side, and do not help them at all.
In any case, you should never, even give anything but villages to аsshоlеs, and then use them until they quit on their own. They cannot take the villages with them. Do not mistreat them, though. Do clearly wrong things to them (side against them in quarrels, keep them landless, accuse them of treason) and even wise аssеs and saints will disapprove.