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Thanks for the help but i think ill not take any Martial anymore(google give me the wrong info that 3 fiefs and the Martial will not be grumpy about fief distribution wich is WRONG One lord of mine has already 7 fiefs in Native with no Mods and asks for MORE)
Good natured and upstanding wich is the core of my army is happy with only 1 crappy village and dont whiny but i give them castles and towns when i conquer new lands
So, here's what you do:
Talk to the lords that you've already maxed out, or are so high you aren't worried about them, and give them something to do, you could send them someplace, ask them to patrol nearby, or even just follow you. Following you means they are just outside of town, but not at the feast. Once you see the lords you want, you can actually tell the lords following you that you don't need them anymore, and they typically join the feast, but they are now the lords that you never see.
About the Jerks i only keep them in war time when im not in my court in peace time i send them away or else i cant make feasts because a lot of bad lords station there.
The bad lords that i said to free now you hunt them and release this garbage for honor(because you loose honor rejecting forever the ransoms for the king, yes i hunt kings at the start of a war its game changer after sometime) !
I'm a firm believer in Murphy's Law, so I know that as soon as I tell the crowd of parasites to go away, that they'll join a kingdom that will immediately declare war on me. What I don't always remember to do is to talk to the sadistic and bad tempered lords when the only kingdoms remaining are ones they've already left. If I'm not mistaken, at that point they just leave the realm.
When at war, as a merc or lord, I catch and release EVERYONE. Once I'm king, I hold onto kings, and anyone else I don't want to recruit, but only until a ransom is offered.
As you've discovered, there are a limited number of spawn spots in all castles. The ones that have the largest capacity are the Nord festhalls, AFAIK. (One big room, one level, many spawn spots for groups of Lords.)
Ladies take up space... There's no way around that. The only way to cycle Lords in a hall that are present at a Feast is to leave the castle, wait a couple of ticks on the Campaign Map, then re-enter it. Even if you do that, though, a Lady could just as easily take a spot as a Lord. Not all spawn-spots will cycle, either. :/
It's always been an issue.
Martial Lords are good to have. They're not particularly stupid when it comes down to doing what is necessary during war.
My advice: When you have that many Lords then Lord Management becomes an issue. It's time for you to go ahead and prosecute the game to a final "win." At this point, don't worry about individual troublesome Lords. Instead, focus on a handful of ones you can keep happy and stack with fiefs if needed. For the rest, let them complain/leave/whatever as you start eating up the map. You can keep a few of them happy with a tidbit, here and there, but give good fiefs only to a select few so they can start stacking up troop numbers while remaining utterly loyal.
No as ricklong said you can give order of patrol or follow me to make good relations lords leave the castle in order to the bad relations appear in the Feast(and the ladies only appear if theres not enough lords present to fill the Feast spots).
In my case in shariz "Follow" order wasnt enough for a 30 day feast so i used "patrol around Wercheg" wich is far away so they take some time to comeback before i need to send them out again(and i need to send again very often even with this but works).
Thanks to this i control 80% of the map and only Swadian is alive ill finish my campaign soon :)