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What version are you playing? The latest release?
I haven't yet played that one, just trying to finish up my last PoP game. So, there could be some bugs, but the PoP team is usually pretty good on keeping things stable.
One thing you should be doing, first, is obviously not taking on big Noldor groups by yourself. Try to find a Noldor patrol battling an Empire Lord, which they do often. Judge whether or not you and the Lord involved, combined, could take the patrol out. If so, join the battle, being sure that there isn't a Noldor Lord and his army nearby... Your objective is only to get prisoners. That's it. Don't worry about kills, loot, nothing else, just prisoners. Make sure you have either a Doom Mace or a good quality Flanged Mace and, if possible, your companions do as well. Collect as many prisoners as you can. It really shouldn't take a whole bunch for you to start improving your relations.
You can also help Noldor, even if they don't need it. But, instead of helping them fight the Empire, you can help them against the Jatu, which they'll ocassionally encounter when their patrols range out into Jatu territory.
You can also use yourself as "bait" to help create these situations. Lead Jatu towards Noldor, vice-versa or try to bait them into fighting an Empire army and then join either side as appropriate.
Helping Noldor in fights is probably the fastest way to get easy +rep with them, just be sure you can outrun whoever it is that you just helped until you get at least -10 or better rep. :)
The general tips here should still be applicable: http://pop3.wikia.com/wiki/Noldor
I'm not sure why the books aren't helping you. It may be that you need to have positive relations with the Noldor first. That may make sense from a game-mechanics reason.