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Seriously, though, you are best off only having cities as fiefs. So refuse all castles and villages, unless you really need a place to garrison troops, in which case take one castle. If you feel you can manipulate the course of war, you can arrange to lose even that starting village, so that you are first in line for a city when one becomes available... and the best way to do so is to take one yourself, or at least at the head of the besiegers.
If you're strapped for cash you can accept a village until you get a city. However, best to wait till you can take a city for yourself.
What do you get from improving relationship? Most notably you'll gain more (AND BETTER) troops when recruiting: A 0 relationship village might yield 3-7 Recruits, but a +10 relationship village might net up to 13 recruits plus few Tier 2 troops.
Getting raided doesn't have any effect on relationship either, so you can safely ignore them all you want.
Like a school will make them like you more, and more the longer the game goes on for.
And villages that are really into you will give you elite troops instead of just a few recruits. ^^
Or they give you a enormous amount of recruits XD
Even if you can actually make a swap, it it not all that easy, especially if you are trying to swap an exposed village that is easy for the enemy to raid for a rich one safe in your country's heartland. Sure, you can manage it with a lord who likes you, after you have managed to raise the prosperity of your village, or after his has gotten raided.
But what is the point? It is simpler to just push the enemy back. You get a lot more cash from actively doing stuff than from babysitting a village for its taxes. Cities, that's where the cash is - rents on the craftsmen, fees on the caravans, and profits from the enterprises. It is worth making a tour of the villages that belong to your cities, killing bandits and shuffling cattle and grain around, but actively patrolling against enemy lords is a waste of time. You're better off taking the fight to the enemy, and better yet, destroying them, and pushing the border away from your fiefs.
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In case you are wondering why you would care about somebody else's villages around your city - their well being affects your city's prosperity, and thus your income.
No