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Аssноlеs start at -3 relations. If you are careful to never do anything nice for them, you can just recognize them by the low relation, and tell them to take a hike.
There are +/- 25 Honorable Nobles per game that auto rise in friendship as you gain honor. These are the only nobles you want in your kingdom and you really don't want to hire them until they reach +100, otherwise they act like anyother noble.
You should of met all the nobles long before you start your own kingdom. When they do show up in your fief don't speak to them and by doing so, you remove them from the game. :)
You keep track of noble friendship in the 'Reports' tab at the bottom of the game window.
At some point, in the early game of each mod I play, I choose my wife. Depending on the kind of character I am playing, that may involve just looking for the hottest looking maiden (for example, Tanja in Perisno)
But if I am playing a Machiavellian guy, I consider the owners of the major cities, I take a look at their brothers, sons and fathers, and then make a point of meeting the most promising ones. The first time I speak with them, I make a note of what they say, and choose my father in law to be a martial lord. This way, I know I can turn him easily after I declare myself a king, and further secure his loyalty by making him a marshal.
So if I'm playing a female character, I can just marry a martial lord and stop worrying about marshals?
You can definitely tell what their specific personality is once you have heard their "surrender" script. When you capture a Lord, they will say a particular phrase. Each personality has a surrender phrase that only it will use. There's a key to those on the Warband Wiki.
Lords that are the opposite of you, depending on your actions and your capture/release methods will not like you. If you're honorable and they're not, you won't be able to easily gain reputation with them unless you save them a lot in battle or do a lot of quests for them. Honorable Lords will naturally start to like you if you do honorable things, like releasing an honorable lord, saving a village from bandits, etc.
You don't need to recruit every lord that comes to you. Ideally, you want three or so strong lords that are very loyal and, hopefully, good natured/honorable (whatever the "good" personalities are). Then, you can have several lords you just use to patrol around the interior of your kingdom, taking care of a couple of villages, for instance. Never give any castle or town to a lord that you're uncertain about and give untrustworthy/cunning/bad-tempered types of lords only villages. That way, if they get upset, they can't really hurt you when they leave.
So, target what lords you think are best for your kingdom and focus on them. There is one problem, though - "Good" Lords won't leave a Faction just because you ask them to. It's "dishonorable." So, sometimes, focusing on a martial lord, at first, may be best. Even so, I'm not sure what their "honor" mechanic is.
I prefer good-natured lords for my Towns and major castles, with a good rep Martial lord as a Marshall. IIRC, my prefs and T's are a bit opposite, there, but then I also tend to play a slow game and build up reps to 100, or close, with the Lords I'm going to target for my future kingdom. Even though good-natured lords won't drop rep points when other lords are awarded a fief. (I roleplay with the game, a lot, and create more work for myself than is necessary. :) )
but cunning lords are the mid-ground,and will build and help maintain a kingdom of any persuasion for any king type that proves he/she has the balls,and are much easier obtained
marshall lords are below them on the scale
The path to their friendship is through quests, family ties, combat assists, and prison breaks. They take a lot of work to befriend, but they make the best early lords, even in Native. In many mods, they get extra benefits that make them even more useful.
I am not 100% whether I prefer cunning or martial lords. They are very similar, in the sense that they care more about strength and favors than about honor, that they can turned to your side much more easily than good lords, and that they can be retained much more easily than nasty lords.
Martial lords are braver as marshals, and even solo, in the sense that they will enter fights that a cunning one may avoid, and patrol enemy lands rather than defend valuable friendly ones. So if you are good enough to swing the fights they pick, they do fine, and they are more likely to assist you, i.e. not flee, when you are about to start a battle against the odds.
Cunning lords do better when you are not there to save them from trouble, though. So I like and use both, and try to hang around the martial ones, while the cunning ones, together with the benevolent ones, are defending the heartlands.
^--- This. I don't want my Lords in the heartland picking fights they can't win. They're really there to keep bandits down, take out those small Lord forces, and to discourage weak Lords from "sacking vilage spam." I want my Marshall, with his extra bonus forces and ones from his holdings, to direct attacks, chase enemy armies, since he'll usually have other Lords in his train, and to attack, attack, attack.. With my force, if not needed on the front during a major push, I can handle any incursions short of a large, combined, force. A King's force can even break up a large offensive, scaring off some Lords if they're at that "sweet spot" in distance from allies, picking off small armies, ultimately making the offensive manageable, especially if it is counting on support from the King, usually traveling much more slowly with a large force. etc
Note: On "scaring off and breaking up large offensive forces" - While a player-King typically has a large force and can't chase down smaller ones, the "renown" still counts and it's useful. It's like a big bubble that one can use to push around smaller forces, at least until the overwhelming main body gets in range. I will typically pare down a bit to more mounted troops, to gain a bit of a speed advantage over the normal AI King-blob of random_converted_troops. (Though, early game Kings and reconstituted Kings have more cohesive, more efficient, forces. But, then again, old King armies tend to collect some very unique, special, troops that bring interesting problems with them. ie: A giant blob of Blackheart/Cobra Knights captured in a freak win against one of the monster armies in PoP, for instance. Surprise! WRECKED! :) )