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it's almost as if the two houses have merged into one
Do you plan on keeping the old house? If not, have you tried selling the old home? Are you not getting the option to use the new home as your primary lot after you sell the old home? Use the "Save As" option, of course, and label the save in a way that you'll know which save gets you back to the pre-sell situation. Even if you plan on keeping the old home, you can still do this and just buy the old home back once the move is complete.
If that doesn't work, then try selling the newer home and see if you can now move your family into it. Again, make sure to save the game before doing any of these things, in case they don't work. If another family has already moved in, you can evict them, but that usually doesn't happen right away.