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but she is not my family(she just my girl friend),how can i force her to eat it?
If a Sim has a Death Flower in their inventory when the Grim Reaper shows up, they will give it to him and he will leave them alone. I don't know if that will work more than once and Death Flowers usually appear in cemetaries, but can only be harvested once (Fairies can sometimes use Bloom to get a second or third harvest). Sims with the Unlucky trait almost never die by accident as the Grim Reaper will usually resurrect them out of pity. I think loyal pets can convince the Grim Reaper to let a Sim live, too. Aside from those and reverting to a previous saved game, I'm not aware of any way to stop the Grim Reaper from taking a dead Sim.
There is an opportunity called "Oh, My Ghost" that will let you turn a dead Sim into a playable Ghost. There is also a Lifetime Reward called the Philosopher's Stone which will do the same thing. A Witch can cast a resurrection spell on the remains (that's what the little headstone thing is) which brings the Sim back as a zombie and then cast a Sunlight charm, which turns them back into a normal Sim. The resurrection spell can only be cast by a Witch with Level 10 in Spellcasting, but they learn the spell automatically.
It won't work on Ghosts. You have to make Ambrosia (Level 10 Cooking and getting the ingredients requires high level Gardening and Fishing skills) and get them to eat it (a real pain when they aren't a playable Ghost). That brings them back to life and then they can use the Young Again potion (or the Fountain of Youth elixir if you have Supernatural).
You can try giving the non-family Sim a Death Flower as a present. They should automatically give it to the Grim Reaper. I have seen some non-family Sims in town give the Grim Reaper a Death Flower themselves. I think the game just randomly has some non-family Sims do that.
I'm fairly certain a Sim can give the Grim Reaper as many Death Flowers as they want, so there is no harm in keeping multiple Death Flowers in a Sim's inventory for that purpose.
Only a Sim with level 10 cooking that has learned the Ambrosia recipe can eat the Ambrosia. They cannot give the Ambrosia to another Sim to eat. Gardeners with the Green Thumb trait can revive Death Flower bushes once, thus letting them gather a 2nd Death Flower from the same bush. They can keep planting Death Flowers in their garden and harvest 2 flowers from each plant. Gardeners without the Green Thumb trait can find Special Seeds near graveyards or, usually, on the outskirts of town. One of the items that Special Seeds will turn into when grown is the Death Flower bush, so that is another way to get more Death Flower bushes for your own Sim or to give as presents to other Sims.
If the Sim has died from old age, The Death Flower bush will only allow the Sim to remain alive a little bit longer. An old Sim will still need a Young Again potion or Ambrosia to make them young again.
Saving often, at least once a Sim day, also helps, along with keeping inventories free of extra clutter. If you have gardeners and fishermen, then keeping the quantities of items at low levels, and keeping the quality of the items the same also helps. Certain cache files should also be cleared after every game session. There are other things that have been mentioned in other threads on the topic of game bugs.