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Private servers are often built around the owner and his friends having some sort of agreement about how to pvp. It is very subjective what is good and what is too much. I guess you and your friends strongly disturb this setting when dropping by and raiding the server. A reaction is most likely.
LOL, looking at the way you communicate your point i am left with no doubt that its not just the servers you play on that’s the issue.
Whether it's PvE or PvP they WILL find a reason to ban you no matter what and will bend the rules to their advantage. My experience with custom servers in this game is getting permamently banned by a literal SJW complaining about me using innocent words such as "boomer". No one in server cared, they even talked with me without problem but out of nowhere admin comes in and cries about a handpicked message i made an hour ago with passive agressive tone. There's also crybaby admins using admin powers to ♥♥♥♥ over players they don't like.
Official ones have no one to abuse the powers and there's pretty much no moderation. If someone doesn't like you, all he has to do is ignore you.
I myself would not care if you raided me i would just rebuild and regather i am a player like anyone else and i do it like any normal player would. I don't allow offline raiding as it is not PVP. I don't allow scorched earth as that can clean a server quicker then a badmin can. You would not like to be label under a specific stereotype now would you so why do it to others. I guess hypocricy runs deep in the gaming world these days