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Meta:
Scout: Doesn't Matter, Milk, Fan
Soldier: Stock, Buff, Doesn't Matter
Pyro: Stock, but you're not allowed to play the class
Demo: no consensus, except no Demoknights
Heavy: Stock/Brass Beast, Sandvich, various
Engie: anything but Gunslinger/Eureka Effect
Medic: Overdose, Kritzkrieg, Ubersaw
Sniper: Hitman's Heatmaker, Jarate, Bushwacka (but you're not allowed to play the class except to kill tanks)
Spy: no consensus, Sapper, anything but YER (but you're not allowed to play this class)
Some Actual Tryhard Loadouts:
Scout: Anything except BFB/BS, Milk/Cola, various
Soldier: Beggar's Bazooka, banner of choice, various
Pyro: Phlog/Backburner, Detonator, Homewrecker/Powerjack
Demo: Depends on situation and preference. Knights are not tryharding.
Heavy: Stock/Brass Beast, doesn't matter, various (but probably GRU)
Engie: any, Wrangler, Gunslinger/EE for fun ONLY
Medic: whatever, anything except Vaccinator (Kritz is most versatile), Ubersaw
Sniper: completely preference as long as you have an actual rifle
Spy: preference, RTR if you actually care, Stock/Big Earner (maybe Kunai? never used it) DEADRINGER
Dead Ringer is the ONLY weapon in the game essential for any class.
And I've actually seen a squeaker Spy NOT be the most useless person on a successful Bigrock mission without Dead Ringer. So take that as you will.
I realize you intended these all to be the worst possible choices. RTR is basically a straight upgrade to the Sapper, and Frontier Justice and OVerdose are both pretty good choices for a weapon slot that is almost inconsequential anyway.
Scout: Any scatter, mad milk, fan o war (to mark giants) or sandman.
Soldier: Any rocket launcher except rocket jumper/airstrike/liberty launcher. Buff Banner as
secondary (optional). Whatever melee you like (zatoshi not recommended though).
Pyro: -usually not included in metagame-
Any flamethrower (phlog recommended vs tanks, backburner for giants, stock or degreaser if you want to reflect projectiles) , secondary and melee dont matter since as pyro you shouldnt ever have to use them in mvm.
Demo: Stock or Loch n load (whichever you prefer) , sticky launcher or scotish resistance , bottle (all other melees have negative effects).
Heavy: Stock minigun , sandvich , gloves of running urgently.
Engy: frontier justice , any secondary (depends on your playstyle really), jag or stock.
Medic: Overdose ,Kritzkrieg , uber saw.
Sniper: -usually not included in metagame-
Just go with whatever works out best for you. If you cant headshot for ♥♥♥♥ then use the sleeper, if you are good at headshots use the hitmans or the basar.
Spy: -usually not included in metagame
- Any revolver (I prefer diamond back for crit storing against tanks) , Stock sapper (this is important when there are robo engys since your sapper only returns when the building is destroyed which takes much longer with the red tape) , stock knife , deadringer.
Scout: Main objectives are collecting money, doing direct damage with whatever primary you have, and giving support when needed. The loadouts I see most (though obviously this is not always the best) are Stock/Soda Popper, Mad Milk/Mutated Milk, and Fan O' War/Sandman. I don't know enough about the primary, but I do know that FaN and the Back Scatter are considered to be the only "useless" ones. Mad Milk can be replaced by Crit-a-Cola if your team can live w/o the healing and slowdown (not sure how viable the other secondaries are). The Fan O' War is usually the recommended one, but the Sandman can mark when upgraded, and I'm sure there are other viable primaries, too.
Soldier: General destruction and team buffs are the Soldier's forte. The more common primaries are Beggar's Bazooka, Stock/Original, and the Black Box, though the Cow Mangler can be used (basically, don't use Lib. Launcher, Air Strike, Rocket Jumper, or the Direct ♥♥♥♥). Any banner can be used, though most of the regulars on the forums recommend the Conch due to the survivability it gives you (and Backup is a bit situational, as its main use is negating crits). The melee is usually either the Disc. Action (for teamwork) or the Escape Plan (for when you really need to get out w/o dying).
Pyro: Pyro is extremely effective at busting Tanks and Giants, though they're no slouch at killing little bots, either. Phlogistinator is best for Tanks, while the Backburner can be used when none are present. Stock is usually frowned upon, and Degreaser is just awful. The secondary and melee rarely matter, but you may want to choose something that either helps your movement (Detonator, Powerjack) or your team (such as the Maul, if the Engi has problems with Spies).
Demo: Blowing crap up. You either want to focus on your Grenades or on your Stickies, not on both. Demo is generally classified as the Medic picker, though this is obviously not restricted to Demoman. My understanding is that if using 'nades, Stock is generally the best; if using Stickies, Stock is better for quick arming, while SR is better for when you have time. Melee depends on the situation; Stock is decent overall, while Eyelander gives you greater health and speed after killing some guys (in addition to range), and the Half-Zato can give you healing in a pinch (at the cost of potentially losing access to your other weapons and dying instantly to robo-samurai Demos). Not sure how viable Demoknight is.
Heavy: Shooting things really up close till they die. Brass Beast or Stock are generally recommended (Tomi and Natascha are rarely useful, while Huo-Long drains ammo too fast). A healing secondary is recommended. Melee depends on your need; G.R.U. for speed, or Fists of Steel for protection vs. ranged weapons.
Engineer: Again, general destruction, though the Sentry is particularly effective against Tanks. Not sure which primary to use, though the Rescue Ranger seems semi-effective. Wrangler is a great addition to the Engineer's game, though I have heard stories of an elusive Pistol-gineer. Melee is either Stock or Jag.
Medic: One of the most controversial MvM classes on the forums, mostly due to the fact that many players seem to need them like a baby needs its mother's milk. Meant to keep the team alive and help damage with the Projectile Shield (and criticals, if Kritz or crit canteens are used). I generally see Overdose recommended as the primary, if only because the only shooting Medic will be doing is just for Mad Milk. Kritz is the most common Medigun, but Quick-Fix is held in high esteem by some of the forum-goers, so take it as you will. Melee is Uber-Saw; no other melee is more useful.
Sniper: Crowd control and good giant-damage are the bushman's forte. The Hitman's Heatmaker is considered the best by most, though as long as it isn't the Machina, Classic, or Sleeper (or lord forbid, the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥). it'll work (in theory). Explosive Headshots are the key to victory here. Jarate is the main secondary recommended, though you shouldn't be using it when you could be shooting. Bushwhacka is the usual melee; it benefits from Jarate and (if you have it) Buff Banner/Mark of Death, though you shouldn't be meleeing.
Spy: Bane of Giants all across the world, and collector of money, if need be. The primary doesn't matter, though some recommend the Diamondback for a bit of help with the Spy's poor tank damage. Sapper doesn't matter for robots, but there's a rumor that the RTR is ignored when placed on the Mecha-Engineer's teleporter. Stock or Big Earner are the best for melee; Spy-cicle is mediocre, Kunai has limited use, and the YER is just useless. Armor Penetration and Attack Speed let the Spy murder Giants extremely quickly. The only watch to use is the DR; the other ones are useless.
So, there you go. My ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little guide on MvM class roles. However, don't take my word alone; if someone more experienced on the forum says something that contradicts this info, you should probably follow them instead.
Also feel free to correct my many many mistakes here.
If you can't headshot, don't play Sniper. Sleeper can still get Explosive Headshots and you're still complete trash if you're not getting that upgrade or hitting those heads.
1. dispenser = backbone
2. one person focuses money
3. uber medibots? -> sniper/demo
nothing else. enjoy! pick anything else to kill stuff. even duplicates.
still yall forgot to factor in one thing
human ignorance/stupidity
Never use anything but milk for the scout if you don't want to be kicked and for good reason.
Sniper and Spy require high skill for MVM so unless you think you are elite don't choose those classes. In the right hands they are the best, but if your a normal player you will bring the team down.
For maps with giant medics pomson is the best weapon for the eng, he can prevent the giant medic from 'popping'.
Scout has 3 jobs: Get the money, milk, tag. Damage output is not an issue and should only be used when the other 3 tasks do not need attention at that moment. Choose the timing of your milk with care, knowning when to milk and when to hold it for the giants and such but also use it often.
There are bad weapons to use in MVM that are common in normal game play. The list is many, if your not sure than apply this logic: Does it support/help the team? Does it have a penalty to use? Does it interfer with the main job of that class? Ask the pro's, 100+ tours has to count for something.
Some weapon, while effective, are not the best choice, meaning other weapons offer more/better help for your team.
Mostly remember MVM is about team work, anyone who wants to 'solo' should be kicked on site. If all you want to do is 'goof' off while playing, form your own team and do it with them and not on a map with people you don't know.
Which he will do better than anyone else except pyro.
Beggar isn't inferior to the other launchers. It is actually superior. Beggars increases your DPS by 70-100% at all times and is the best soldier weapon. High tour people don't wanna run it because they are terrible players and think straight rockets are super important. You should see some of the terrible arguments they use against beggars like "Rocket specialist doesn't work with beggars" and "You will never hit anyone with that deviation.".
It is only the low skill players that run nothing but kritskrieg. The skilled/people with a clue run any medigun. Only reason you see low skill/clueless players run another medigun is because they are, well, clueless that kritskrieg is seen as the one and only medigun to use.
Also, meta or metagame is a list of crutches for low-skilled players to prevent them from failing.
I found meta working best on normal and not working higher than intermediate, cause it circulates around crowd control.
Bazooka Soldier and Phlog Pyro are both better than Scout at tank-killing.
But those are weapon-specific exceptions. Stock Pyros and Soldiers are not, at least not after Wave 3 or so. No class is inherently better at tank-killing than Scout is that I'm aware of.
Knockback is annoying to your teammates. I find a Scout using FaN and actually shooting to be absolutely infuriating. I'd put it right up there with Heavies popping Uber Medics as they walk over a sticky trap, Pyros airblasting Sentry busters, Engineers detonating Busters next to you, wall-facing teleporters, and Soldiers shooting rockets directly at reflecting Pyros.