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I found settings for avatars fading at a certain distance and a limit of how many can be on screen but sadly nothing about the size of avatars
one setting that is nice to change is in "comfort and safety" which allows untrusted urls so you can watch movies or anime in certain worlds
not sure about the chat box but I assume its not a thing since a lot of maps have their own placed within the world and I've only seen chat above peoples heads like you already said
No chat box feature other than what appears above your head.
v----You can ignore the rest of this if you're already using a VRC account----v
Also even if you don't plan on uploading content (avatars/worlds) of your own, I'd still suggest making a VRChat account just because it'll make things easier for you in the future and lets you use the website.
If you have been using a steam account and don't want to lose friends/avatars you may have found then you can merge your steam and VRChat account together and you shouldn't lose anything.
You can do this by opening your large settings menu (not the one in the quick menu) while logged into your steam account and on the left side there should be an "upgrade account" button, click that and then follow the instructions.
Public instances are always wild, very random, lots of people with avatars that have way too many effects. Once you're part of some friend groups and hang mostly in F+, it'll be much less chaotic and people will behave much better (or generally get kicked or blocked by a lot of people). I'm nearing 3k hours, very few of these are spent in publics.