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I was so annoyed at losing everything that I just said screw it, let me uninstall and reinstall the game (after backing up my saves manually, of course). What's absolute bizzare is when I opened the game, I have the Dirty Coin again, and I have all unlockables from Jack's 55th Birthday, Nightmare, 21, Not a Hero, and End of Zoe, but I still only have Madhouse and the Albert for the main game... Also, I'm not sure if you're aware, but Mr. Everwhere statues carry over through each subsequent playthrough, and the game thinks I've only destroyed 17/20, which isn't true (as I have save files with every single unlockable item).
Now that I'm stuck in this situation with most of my stuff back, but arguably the most important stuff missing, any ideas? This is so dumb and I have no idea what to do to fix it, as I have no interest in reunlocking everything.
Although technically, if you have a save file with all collectibles, you can just finish the game through it and get a bunch of unlocks back.
I really appreciate your help with this! You've really helped me think through all these nonsensical problems I've been having, and I'll be back to where I was in no time! Thanks again!